


23:45

by Mylifeisaverage



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-07
Updated: 2016-02-29
Packaged: 2018-03-21 19:41:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 28,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3703277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mylifeisaverage/pseuds/Mylifeisaverage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After tragically losing his wife to ghouls, Yukinori Shinohara was relocated to suburban Australia to, “take a break from responsibility.” He’s set up with a convenient store and left alone, the CCG would welcome him back when he was ready. But responsibility is inescapable, like energy, it simply changes forms. Sure, he ran a shop, but he didn’t have care in the world anymore, until someone sneaks in and attempts to steal a bobbin of red thread right in front of him in the dead of night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> oooh, my secret is revealed! my gosh tokyo ghoul was amazing! so sad 3: well, this is my juzu suzu tribute! hope yous enjoy! 99% of this is prewritten so i'll be able to upload pretty consistently! there really isn't enough fanfiction in this fandom. please let me know if you want more!

It was a particularly hot night, running about 35 degrees but with the dryness of the air, one could easily mistake it for 40. A stocky man with more hair on his face and arms than on his head wasted time playing with a blue pen he usually used for writing what people bought that day behind the counter in his convenient store, sweating up a storm but too lazy to do much about it. The buzz of slightly greenish-yellow fluorescent lights mingled with the hum of the refrigerators that lined the wall opposite the counter and created that less-than-silent atmosphere that convenient stores tended to have. Fairy lights twinkled outside, decorating the street in time for the holidays. Had he been in his home country, it might’ve been snowing, cold, the people would wear coats. But it’s the pinnacle of summer here in Surry Hills. Australia was certainly very different from Japan in many ways. 

At one time or another, Yukinori Shinohara was a part of an elite task force set up to control a new evil and predatory threat: ghouls. He’d spent sleepless nights studying their habits, their motivations, how to discern them from normal humans. When he wasn’t at the academy, he was training, learning to fight and exterminate them to keep Japan safe. Each investigator sworn in must understand that joining force against the ghouls meant nothing you cared for was safe. You are vulnerable in every sense of the word and Shinohara understood that, or at least he thought he did. 

But one day after a long, taxing invasion in the 13th Ward, he came home to find his home ransacked and his beautiful new wife lying face down, a pool of her own blood spreading across the floor. A tall, spindly ghoul stood over her looking ravenous, insane with hunger. Shinohara had taken his revenge, ignoring Article 13 and drawing out a long and painful end to that ghoul, and rushed his wife to the nearest hospital; he waited for hours worrying about what would happen to her. He hoped to see her eyes open up again and look at him in that loving way they always did. He hoped for a doctor to come out of that room to tell him she was going to be alright, that she was going to live, but that didn't happen. In the end, they informed him that the middle-aged woman had died of blood loss before they could do anything about it.

“Take some time off, Shinohara,” his partner had said, "You and I understand working in this field means a fair amount of danger, but even the best of us need time to mourn. When you think you’re ready to go on, the CCG will gladly welcome you back.”

Devastated and heartbroken, Shinohara agreed that he could no longer function as a CCG investigator. He needed time to recover and think. Since he’d done so much for the force, a well as his colleagues, he was soon honourably discharged and sent to Surry Hills to live a ghoul-free life for as long as he wanted. He could return as soon as he pleased, but Japan was _crawling_ with ghouls. They would never stop feeding on the innocent long enough to let him grieve the loss of his wife. They didn’t care about her. She wasn’t special to them; she was just another meal. 

So here he stayed, it’s been a year now, he worked as the owner of a small convenience store. Not too many people frequented often, the work wasn’t too exciting either, but the routine was quaint, obviously not as heavy as the routine of his past job had been, let alone the working hours spent. In Japan, work wasn't done when he left the CCG's offices. He always went out worried because he never knew if he would make it out alive or even a normal work day, the risk of getting hurt or dying was immense. Despite all of that, he’d like to return to the CCG someday, it was his home, what he was born to do, but for now it was time to close up the shop and walk home. 

He scratched at a patch of stubble, looking around to make certain he wasn’t forgetting anything. A glance at the clock on the counter told him it was 23:45. Technically, the shop didn’t close until midnight, but Shinohara knew no one was out. This was a small town. Any teenagers that lived here prefer to hang out in Sydney. He decided it would be best to leave a bit early, patting his pocket and confirming his keys’ location. He stepped out from behind the counter with the heaviness of a large, exhausted man, and doused the lights as he passed the switch. Turning and giving one last look inside, he checked to see that he hadn't forgotten anything important. He took out his keys and reached for the door, closing it. He was just about to lock up when something gave him a tap on the shoulder. 

He turned around, giving a confused grunt and searching for possible suspects; nothing. No one to be seen. He shrugged, looking forward again, to notice the door was wide open. Suddenly, like an instinct, Shinohara’s mind switched gears, and he started thinking like a CCG agent. 

_Point of entry: Front door_  
Time: Six seconds ago  
Suspects: Unknown 

Moving in. 

“Hmm~ what do I need most? I suppose I could always come back…” Shinohara heard a young, playful voice muse aloud in his shop, humming and giggling to themselves. 

He reentered the now-dark convenient store slowly, scanning the aisles with heightened analytical senses. As the cheerfully pensive voice grew louder, he knew he was closing in on the culprit. He rounded a corner and spotted a young girl pondering colourful band-aids. She was small, slight, and pale white like a doll. She bounced happily on the balls of her bare feet, taking in her options. 

Shinohara sighed a relieved and slightly irritated breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. All this excitement had him thinking like an agent again for the first time in months, and over some little punk shoplifter? Shinohara groaned, fearlessly approaching the girl. 

“Excuse me, Miss,” he called her attention in a strict and unamused tone, “I don’t know how you got in but-- Hey!” The girl pulled a switchblade seemingly from thin air and slashed in his direction, catching Shinohara off guard. She settled for a box of gauze, tape, a few sewing needles and red thread, stuffing them into her pockets and making a run for the door. She wasn’t scared, or even in a hurry really. Shinohara, on the other hand, was more than a little offended, with a sense of confidence only a CCG investigator could possess, he grabbed the girl by the back of her shirt collar, avoiding her blade, and gave her a talking to. 

“Do you really think you can steal from me, in my presence, and get away with it?” he chide, more annoyed than angry. He frowned at her like a disappointed parent. But she merely smiled happily and shrugged. 

“Is it really stealing if you weren’t using it?” the girl countered playfully, bantering with him like they were old friends. 

This girl, didn’t seem like much of a girl at all now that Shinohara had a chance to examine her, or them, up close. They were strangely pale for a person living in Australia, even Shinohara had taken on a profound amount of colour since he’d arrived. They had nearly white hair and nearly red eyes, and adding to the overall strangeness of their appearance were small, tightly sewn stitches, winding around their arms, down their chest, and a few on the right side of their face, even. Wide, doe eyes paired with the softness of the rest of their features definitely made them quite androgynous. But their rude and brash mannerisms, as well as the subtle throatiness of their voice, made Shinohara read them as _boy._

“What’s your name?” Shinohara asked, hoping to bring this gender mystery to a close. 

“Rei Suzuya. Nice to meet you, Shinohara-san~.” he replied, noticing Shinohara’s confusion and letting on that he, Rei, is a boy and also Japanese. 

_Rei; strife. A simple, traditional name. _Shinohara thought.__

__“I guess, _this_ ,” Shinohara gestured to the stitches with his free hand, “is why you’re stealing thread?” Rei smiled so widely his eyes closed, nodding vigorously. He twisted free of Shinohara’s grip as it softened with diminishing anger, and landed on his feet. _ _

__“Douzou Yoroshiku, Shinohara-san!” Rei saluted him with a broad sweep of his arm, then turned to wander away. “I’ve always wanted to meet someone else like me. To think I’d find one down under…” Rei waltzed right over to the liquor section, choosing something strong at random. Bottle in hand, he waved and said, “Bye-bye!” and ran off. Shinohara stood still, completely shocked. Not only had he not expected to be robbed while he was still present, but the robber was a nice kid, very polite, save for the whole stealing thing._ _

__Eventually, Shinohara’s legs allowed him to move. He shut and locked the shop door, then began his short walk home with Rei on his mind. Something about him stuck and it would definitely be hard to forget him._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow my tumblr? mylifeisaverageish.tumblr.com


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey hey! originally i'd planned to upload this weekly, but i couldn't resist!

Shinohara stood idly behind his counter, debating whether or not to close up early. He was almost certain no one would come in at 23:45, but still, he stayed put. He couldn’t leave. Deep inside, he’d hoped that kid might pay him a visit… Rei Suzuya occupied Shinohara’s mind so frequently nowadays, that he made it a point to keep ample stock of red thread and medical trappings, just in case Rei needed it. Something about Rei’s curiousness puzzled him deeply, and he found himself stumped way more often than he had been as a CCG investigator. Maybe he’d spent too much time in the world of ghouls, and had forgotten how to decypher real people. 

His eyelids weighed down with exhaustion, tiredness seemed to fill his legs with sand. It was time to go home, tonight wasn’t the night. He shook the sleep away and marched toward the door, digging his keys out of his pocket. Stepping outside, he held the key up to the door, almost getting to lock it before he heard a voice behind him. 

“Oyasumi nasai, Shinohara-san~” Rei staggered towards him, tripping over his own feet like a newborn puppy and giggling merrily. A good stumble later, he found himself falling into Shinohara’s arms, “so, we meet again.” Shinohara couldn’t help but grimace, getting a strong whiff of Irish Whiskey. 

“You smell like a bad hangover, Suzuya,” Shinohara observed, Rei giggled some more, retaining a tight embrace to Shinohara’s abdomen. 

“Can’t say I’ll regret it in the morning, cuz I’ll sleep till noon! Problem solved~” Rei sang, “Hey, I need to ask you a favour, Shinohara.” Rei leaned most of what little weight he carried into Shinohara, forcing him to grip tightly to his back. 

“And what would that be?” Shinohara asked, hoisting the boy up to a more proper standing position, “Come to steal more thread, have you?”

“You’re funny,” Rei chirped, clinging to Shinohara’s chest. He looked up at him with cloudy, unfocused eyes, poking an index finger into his sternum, “Actually, this time I need a--”

“Juzou!” 

“Juzou Suzuya!” Two identical voices shouted from down the street. Shinohara peered down, seeing two girls, one in black and one in white, making their way toward them. He looked back to Rei, wondering if he saw the same girls, but Rei’s drunken cheerfulness was wiped away, leaving a sick, crazed vengeance behind it. Drooping, burgundy eyes narrowed into focused slits. His happy smile tightened into a smirk. Such profound changes so quickly displayed alarmed Shinohara, who made a confused, scared sound at the back of his throat. 

“I need a knife,” Rei spoke in a low voice. 

“Suzuya… what have you gotten yourself--” 

““Look! There he is!”” the two girls shrieked in unison, running quickly towards them. Shinohara’s policeman mentality kicked in, and he shoved Rei back into the store, shutting the door and pretending to lock it. Before too long the girls, twins, were upon him. 

“Excuse me, Sir,” the one in black spoke first, “Where did that boy go.” It wasn’t a question. The angry determination in her voice struck uneasiness in Shinohara’s heart. He slowly turned away from the door, taking care to loom over the twins, looking as big as possible. 

“I’m sure, I don’t know what you mean,” he said, deepening his voice. 

“Where is Juzou, Shinohara. He was just here. He’s very pale and not very tall.” the girl in white spoke with an eerie calmness that reminded Shinohara of the twins from the film _The Shining._ But he did not show this, instead he quirked an eyebrow and avoided their questions. 

“You know me?”

“This is your store,” the girl in black said, it seemed like they alternated, “Surry Hills is a small town. But you mustn’t avoid the question. Juzou. Which way did he go.” 

“I believe I may have seen a small, pale individual duck into the alleyway,” Shinohara pointed a thumb into the dark alley beside the shop, “You girls behave yourselves. This is indeed a small town and I _was_ a cop not too long ago. I’ll know if you’re causing trouble.” He warned them, but kept it soft, and safe. Firm but not Sinister. They nodded before heading into the alley. Just as he’d turned back towards the door, the twin in white tugged on his sleeve, asking for attention. “Yes?” he asked, softening his words and removing all threat from them. She seemed innocent in this moment. 

“Shinohara is a Japanese name… if we forget about taking our revenge on Juzou, will you teach us Japanese?” Her twin stood just around the corner, watching. They couldn’t’ve been more than 20, completely identical save for the colours they chose. 

“What’s your name?” Shinohara asked the twin in white. 

“Nashiro,” she replied, “and that’s my twin, Kurona.” 

“And you’re not Japanese yourselves?” Shinohara asked, pondering how many other Japanese people he’d met recently. Their faces were definitely Japanese. He was a bit surprised they didn’t speak the language too. 

“We are, but we’ve never been. We grew up here, in Australia.” Nashiro shrank a bit, ashamed in herself for not knowing how to speak her own language. Shinohara waved her twin over to stand next to her. She came quietly, standing beside her sister and mimicking her posture. 

“And what do you want with that boy, Nashiro and Kurona?” 

“He was our friend,” Kurona growled, seeming much angrier at him than her counterpart, “He was our friend and he betrayed us.” 

“Kurona, I don’t think Shinohara needs to hear--”

“No, Nashiro! Juzou Suzuya hurt you! It took you weeks to get back on your feet. I can’t let him get away with it,” she took Nashiro’s arm, pulling her into the mouth of the alley, “Let’s go, we’ll lose him.” Nashiro looked back to Shinohara, apologizing for her sister’s rudeness. 

“Wait,” he said, stopping the girls from leaving with his voice. He took a hard look at the both of them, memorizing their faces. He knew they wouldn’t find Rei, he’s safe in the shop. Maybe they’d change their minds once they cool off. Shinohara provided some incentive to forgive. “Nashiro, the word ‘shiro’ in Japanese means white. Kurona, ‘kuro’ is the Japanese word for black. That is your first lesson.” They smiled identically shy smiles. “Stay out of trouble, okay? I’ll be seeing you.” They nodded before disappearing into the dark. 

Shinohara exhaled a sigh of both relief and exhaustion, he was getting too old for this. But they seemed like smart girls, they would see the light. He pushed that out of his mind, reopening the shop door. A broad scan of the dark aisles reported the shop empty. 

“Suzuya…?” he asked the hollowness, slowly entering. He heard the sound of someone taking a confident swig of something, accompanied with a waft of sour-smelling air. “Rei, you can’t steal from me anymore. What do you think you’re--”

A sharp, white-hot _shing!_ swept through the air, swiping across his shoulder and cutting deep. Shinohara shouted, clutching his arm before catching the culprit who’d been hiding behind the door. Rei giggled, shrugging and running the now bloodied pocket knife through his hair like a comb as he dangled by his collar in the air. Shinohara growled, forcing Rei to be silent. 

“What the hell was that for?!” He looked angry, and Rei saw it. The seriousness of what had happened sank into his whiskey-muddled mind making his smile turn to a frown. “After trying to help you, even? One of those girls is ready to really give it to you, Suzuya. What have you been doing?” Shinohara knew he really knew nothing about the boy, he could deserve it. But something had made him protect him from those girls, and was softening his anger now. He put him down again, turning away.

“I’m sorry, Shinohara, I thought you were them,” Rei said, looking guilty. 

“Ah, don’t worry about it,” he said, forgiving him just this once, he really did seem sorry, “I don’t even think they’re looking for _you_ , maybe if you had a sibling? They’re looking for _Juzou_ Suzuya, not _Rei_ Suzuya.” 

“They were.” 

“What?” Rei took a deep breath before chugging the last of a brand new whiskey bottle. He sighed, puffing out ethanol fumes, his smile growing back. 

“Rei is dead, Shinohara,” he said, head tilted up towards the ceiling. He took another settling breath before looking back at Shinohara. “And you don’t have to call me ‘Suzuya’,” he wandered over, looking at bobbins of thread, “No, _you_ can call me, Juzou.” He gave Shinohara a wink, before choosing the sharpest sewing needle available and bright red thread and pocketing them. 

“Well, Juzou, it’s time for the shop to close. Do you live far? I’d like to walk you home. You don’t seem very… coherent at the moment, it might be safer.” Juzou watched him with large, excited eyes, exclaiming happily when he heard his new name slip from Shinohara’s tongue. 

“Oh, it sounds sooo much better when you say it, Shinohara-san~” he cheered, rolling his ankle a bit and falling into Shinohara once more, “That’s so sweet of you, to take me home.” He took Shinohara’s right arm, leaving the injured one alone for now, and followed Shinohara out the door and into the night, staying quiet as he locked the door. 

“So,” Shinohara began, “where are we headed?”

“Home!” Juzou replied, hugging tightly to his arm to keep his balance. 

“Yes, but where is that exactly?” 

“Wherever you live! Shinohara you must be tired, you’re so silly!” Juzou smiled, laughing at Shinohara’s apparent silliness. 

“No, Juzou,” Shinohara said, briefly interrupted by a happy sigh, “Where am I taking you?” _Must be the whiskey,_ Shinohara thought. His left shoulder burned horribly, he’d bled through his shirt, and if he didn’t get home and get it dressed soon, he’d have a problem. He looked down at the slash. It was a clean cut about 6cm long and maybe 1 or 2 deep, done with precision and skill. He tensed his arm, hissing at the pain and seepage it caused. 

“Shinohara, don’t do that,” Juzou chastised out of nowhere. He looked down to see the boy tearing the hem from his shirt, producing a grubby, black strip of fabric, leaving a few centimeters of pale skin, interrupted by red stitching. He wrapped it tightly around Shinohara’s arm, paying no mind to his disbelief. “Let’s get you home, quickly so I can fix you, okay?” He closed his eyes again, smiling sweetly. 

“Don’t worry about me, Juzou. Where is _your_ home?” 

“Ohhhh,” Juzou exclaimed, finally understanding. Shinohara couldn’t help but sigh out his triumph in asking the right question at last. “I don’t have a home.”

“What.”

“But you can take me to yours! I’ll fix your arm, then be on my way!” Juzou could say this with such naive happiness, but Shinohara was nearly at a loss for words. _No home? But he’s so young, where are his parents?_ Slowly, he started to walk the two of them towards his flat. They walked in silence for the most part. Juzou occasionally made a comment about how lovely the weather was and what not. But the questions and concerns rolling around in Shinohara’s mind soon wrestled themselves free, out into the open. 

“Juzou, are you homeless?” he nodded. “Where’s your family?”

“Don’t have one.” _He didn’t even seem to mind!_ thought Shinohara. He stayed quiet for the last leg of their short walk to the door to his flat. Shinohara stopped, holding onto Juzou who sagged uncomfortably in his grip. He really didn’t want him to be out here like this. There are lots of things that can kill you in Australia if you’re not careful. He made an executive decision. 

“I don’t usually do this,” he started, calling Juzou’s attention, “but given the circumstances, I’d like you to stay with me tonight.” Glassy eyes widened with surprise. 

“Oh, Shinohara, I couldn’t. Just let me fix you and I’ll go.” Even as he said this, his legs gave up on him, making him cling firmly to Shinohara’s good arm to remain standing. 

“I insist,” Shinohara said with a tired smile, it must’ve been at least 1:00 by now, “I think you’ll find that some assistance is very beneficial at the best of times.” Shinohara weaseled his keys out of his pocket and set to work on the door. Juzou came to life, up out of the haze. 

“Thank you so much Shinohara!” Juzou sang as the door opened. He ran into the flat, huge eyes taking in everything. The flat was small, just enough to accommodate one person. The front door opened up to a living room that opened up to the kitchen. Just beyond that, a hallway to the rest of the flat could be seen. Shinohara, coming down from being a bit surprised by Juzou’s enthusiasm, smiled again. Juzou, now sitting upside down on the couch, waved in his direction, and when he tried to wave back, he was reminded of his injury. 

“God, did you slice me good, though,” he winced as he tried to undo the tight knot from before to clean up his wound. Juzou popped up from the couch and hurried over to him. 

“I’ll do it, I’ll do it! Sit down!” he exclaimed, pushing Shinohara onto the couch before perching on his left side. He quickly untied the knot and revealed the cut, which had stopped bleeding for the most part. Juzou gasped, pupils blowing, “Oh, how lovely…” he mused. _”How lovely”?_ Shinohara thought, taken aback by Juzou’s sudden change in demeanor. “Is there rubbing alcohol to clean it?” Juzou asked, as if that last disturbing comment never happened. He looked up expectantly. 

“Uh, yes, in the bathroom mirror just at the end of the hall. Bandages too.” Shinohara directed. He was about to stand when Juzou stopped him. 

“No no no,” he chide, pushing him back down, “you stay here! Trust me!” He stood to skip down the hallway, stopping halfway, “You do trust me, right Shinohara?”

Without thinking, he answered, “Yes, just don’t drink rubbing alcohol, that’s not what it’s for. Besides, you’ve had enough.” Juzou returned quickly with a bottle and a few cotton pads, smirking at Shinohara’s joke. 

“Please, I’m not _that_ stupid,” he set to work cleaning Shinohara’s skin and he watched him, impressed with Juzou’s proficiency and only occasionally wincing at the sting. It wasn’t until he pulled out the needle and thread that Shinohara spoke again. 

“Hey now,” he warned, “I said there were bandages in the mirror as well.”

“But, it’s too deep for bandages,” Juzou protested, “I need to fix you. I need to stitch you up.” His eyes were riveted to the cut on Shinohara’s shoulder, now clean but still red and irritated. 

“It’s okay, really,” Shinohara wasn’t too sure about the kid’s interest in stitches. He had so many winding up his arms and down his chest, but Shinohara saw no scars, no need for stitches. He simply liked doing them. Add the fact that he was quite intoxicated, the suggestion seemed unnervingly psychotic until their eyes met. Juzou’s, normally joyful, now looked confused and maybe a little sad. 

“But I cut you. I need to fix it, I need to do the sutures or it won’t heal right.” He didn’t seem to understand Shinohara’s worry. But the same feeling that made him protect the boy from those twins, and invite him into his house, now made him take this leap of faith. How bad could it be? He seemed to have had lots of practice. 

“Alright,” Shinohara gave in. Juzou’s confusion gave way to more joy as he smiled and threaded the needle.

“Hold still,” he said as the only form of preparation, roughly passing the needle through the end of the cut. Shinohara winced, but Juzou didn’t see it. He watched, seemingly without blinking, as he yanked the thread taut, bringing the first red stitch into place, but it wasn’t thick enough to hold. Juzou hummed happily as he jabbed the needle though Shinohara’s flesh until it offered no resistance. Soon the first stitch was thick enough to satisfy, time to move on to the next. 

“Agh!” Shinohara exclaimed through his teeth. Juzou gave him no time to adjust before he was hacking away at his skin again. After the second stitch was completed, he had to intervene. “Juzou,” he interrupted as Juzou powered up for his next onslaught. 

He looked to Shinohara’s face, giving a small, “hmm?” 

“Could you ease up?” Shinohara asked as the first two stitches began to throb. Juzo didn’t understand at first, but then his face lit up in realization. 

“I’m not… _hurting _you, am I?”__

“A bit, yes,” Shinohara couldn’t suppress his sarcasm, “Can’t you tell?” The shocked expression on Juzou’s face proved otherwise. 

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to… It didn’t even… I forgot--” 

“Hey,” Shinohara saved him from drowning in fragmented apologies, “it’s okay. I’m fine. You can finish, just go a little slower, okay?” Juzou nodded, taking his time. The rest of the sutures were finished in silence. 

“There,” Juzou finally said as he finished, “All better.” He smiled, but not nearly as enthusiastically as he did before. He looked sleepy, too sleepy to repin his hair out of his eyes. White locks now hid his face from Shinohara, who wondered what he was thinking. He inspected the stitch job, looking over the neat, red stitches that matched the ones on Juzou’s arms, little xs. 

“Great work, Juzou,” Shinohara said, gathering that he might be the type to need reassurance. He patted his hair, making the boy smile tiredly. “Well,” he stood from the couch, stretching his spine, “Off to bed, Juzou. You seem to like the couch enough to spend the night there.” Juzou yawned, mimicking the stretch he’d just seen Shinohara do, and looked around. 

“Actually,” he said, looking up at Shinohara from the couch, “could I sleep with you? I won’t take up much room, I promise.” Juzou pleaded with those wild eyes of his, now heavy with fatigue and the effects of alcohol, and Shinohara had no room to refuse. 

“Alright, let’s go,” he complied, “Hope you don’t mind early alarm clocks, the shop opens at 6.” Juzou smiled widely, attempting to stand but quickly falling back to the couch. He giggled halfheartedly, seeming to be falling asleep right then and there. Shinohara helped him to his feet, and guided him to a bedroom beside the bathroom where the two of them slumped into bed, too tired for nightwear. 

“Shinohara?” Juzou asked, breathing slow, even breaths. He crawled closer, resting his cheek on Shinohara’s chest, listening to his heart beat. 

“Yes?” 

“Do you have an important person?” A sharp pang of despair hit Shinohara right in the heart. 

“I used to,” he answered sadly, remembering his lovely wife. He couldn’t though, no matter how much he tried, remember his last moment with her. No one ever can, if they don’t know the end is near. It’s the last moment’s that are the haziest, because you didn’t know they were going to be your last. You didn’t think to burn them into your mind, and now you regret that more than anything. 

“What happened to them?” Juzou asked the wrong question. 

“She died,” Shinohara sighed a shaky breath, “Do you have an important person?” He changed the subject, willing his mind to forget and relax. 

“My mama, I guess,” Juzou replied, “She made it so nobody could hurt me. But now…” he trailed off, falling deeper into the peace of sleep. Shinohara’s mind began to slip as well. It was hot, but Juzou’s warmth soothed the heat of the summer air. “Would you like me more if I was a girl?” he asked after a while. 

“Hmm?” Shinohara could hear words, but couldn’t comprehend, “We’ll answer questions in the morning. Good night, Juzou." 

“Thank you, Shinohara.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also: i wrote kurona a little more angry than she really is. she's not actually like that and neither is nashiro, i know this. it just works better this way! (:


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cuddle puddles!!!!!!!!!!!!! let me know how you like this, guys!!!!

The sun beat down, shining through the window, painting everything gold. Rays of light moved slowly through the air as time passed by. Eventually, they cast themselves onto the bed, into Shinohara’s eyes, disturbing his eyelashes. The warm light licked his cheeks, coaxing him out of dreamland to begin the day’s work. He couldn’t remember waking up like this, feeling rested, peaceful. 

He sat up in bed, rubbing sleep from his eyes and running a hand through his hair. He was alone. This was customary, but this morning he couldn’t help but feel a presence with him, even though no one was there. Something was out of place, and he couldn’t place what it was.

“Ugh,” Shinohara groaned, fingers ghosting over the tight, clean sutures on his left shoulder. He recalled last night’s events. _I thought I’d taken Rei Suzuya in to spend the night, wait no. Juzou Suzuya. Was that part a dream? Then how did these get here… _He dismissed this, deeming it unworthy of thought, and glanced over at his bedside clock. It was… dark? He reached over to grab it, pulling up and realizing it had been unplugged. Shinohara cursed under his breath, searching the room with his eyes before getting out of bed and hastily getting ready for the day. _He must’ve raided my house, and unplugged my clock so the alarm couldn’t wake me up___ he thought, disappointed in Juzou as well as himself for trusting him. Who knows how late he is now. By the time he was ready for the day, three things were clear: Juzou was indeed here last night, he’d stolen Shinohara’s keys, and was nowhere to be found.

* * *

Shinohara stopped running for a minute to catch his breath. It is too hot to function. If there’s one thing he knows for certain, it’s that he wasn’t build for the heat of summer in Surry Hills. He couldn’t even imagine living further inland without feeling faint. Still, the shop was just at the end of the block, he could make it. It turns out it’s 12:36, the shop is meant to open at 6. He’s six hours late. He regained some of his strength, running the rest of the way to the shop. Oddly enough there were no angry customers melting outside… Actually, the lights were on as well. 

Shinohara approached his convenient store, quickly stepping into the life-saving coolness. The door was already open, and he made note of this, but for now he was too busy panting to pay any mind. Someone had opened the shop in his absence, he only hoped he hadn’t made his convenient store _in_ convenient for anyone. 

“Gooooood Morning, Shinohara!” a familiar, exuberant voice cheered. Shinohara looked up, having doubled over mere seconds before, in the direction of the greeting. Juzou sat criss-crossed on the counter, arms spread as wide as the smile on his face. “I opened the shop!” Shinohara gawked awkwardly for a moment, feeling guilty for ever passing judgement on Juzou this morning. 

“How did you--”

“I woke up at 5!” he explained, “My head was nice and warm and poundy and my stomach all turned up. Then your alarm went off and at first it added to the poundiness~” he hugged his arms around his chest, confusing Shinohara who’d thought he’d heard the boy just describe a hangover in a good way, “But I knew it would wake you up and you were so sleepy and I didn’t know how to turn it off, so I unplugged it, borrowed clothes, took the keys, opened the shop, and did my best until you got here just now!” 

_”Borrowed clothes”?_ Shinohara gave the boy a quick, unassuming once over. It looked like he had on an enormous white dress shirt over the same ripped up black shirt, a huge pair of black slacks he’d rolled to his knees, and red house slippers. He’s practically drowning in fabric, but didn’t seem to mind at all. Colourful spotted suspenders caught Shinohara’s eye next. _Those were a gift Mado had given to me as a joke, he really dug around…_ Shinohara observed quietly. 

“Where did you get those?” Shinohara pointed to perhaps the oddest accessory he owned, now being rocked by the oddest kid he’s ever met. 

“You tell me, Shinohara,” Juzou giggled, “sprucey, very sprucey,” he sang and raised his eyebrows.

“My partner gave them to me,” Shinohara explained, hopefully dispelling any suspicions, “Had to wear them to my bachelor party. Caused quite a few interesting conversations.”

“I bet,” Juzou winked, speaking sarcastically, “I hope you don’t mind,” he added genuinely. He crossed his arms over his stomach, looking hopeful. 

“Not at all,” Shinohara put his worries to rest. Juzou was a good kid after all. “Juzou, I don’t know how to thank you,” was all he could say. Juzou hopped off the counter, marching over to him. 

“Anything for my important person, Shinohara,” he said, chuffed to bits and hugging him tightly before he remembered something else he wanted to him. “Look!” he exclaimed, pulling out a small wad of bills, crushed instead of folded together, “So far I’ve made…” he paused, cogs in his mind turning fast, “16 dollars for myself! I can pay you back for the things I stole.” He looked guilty, but excited that he could make it right. 

“Juzou, we don’t accept tips here,” Shinohara couldn’t help but smile at his enthusiasm. 

“I know. There’s a sign saying so right there,” he pointed toward the window but didn’t bother looking, “but they insisted! One woman said she was happy you could get a break! She says you work too hard.” Shinohara gazed into Juzou’s eyes, seeing them sparkle with childlike joy. He felt old, past his prime. Maybe he did work too hard. In this moment, someone was willing to work with him, he had to accept it. 

“Okay, just don’t accept anymore, okay? You don’t have to pay me back.” Shinohara moved past him, taking a seat on the stool behind the counter. Juzou stayed behind, looking confused. 

“But I stole from you,” he said. 

“Is it really stealing if nobody’s using it?” Juzou gasped, his smile returning full blast. Shinohara winked at him, urging him to sit beside him and continue the days work.

* * *

“No way!” Juzou exclaimed, shoving greasy, twice-fried chips into his mouth, “Then what?!” 

“The One-Eyed Owl, a terrible, fearsome king among ghouls. Mado and I didn’t stand a chance and had to retreat.” Shinohara and Juzou walked home, sharing stories. 

“No! No! You should’ve fought! Surely nothing can stop you, Shinohara, not even sub-human ghouls!” Juzou whined at the ending with a mouthful of food. Shinohara laughed, amused by the pouting expression on the boys face. 

“I wouldn’t call ghouls ‘sub-human’. They’re actually very beautiful, well constructed predators. Just like how one would think a lion is beautiful. Ghouls seem to be crafted perfectly to entice their prey. If only we could find a way to feed them without taking human lives… Then maybe we could learn about them, understand them. God, how I wish I understood…” Juzou, becoming more attuned with Shinohara and his social cues, noticed his change in mood. He swallowed what was in his mouth. 

“Understood what?” He tilted his head, looking very much like a confused cat. 

“It’s nothing,” Shinohara avoided the question, unlocking the door to his flat and holding it for Juzou. He wandered inside before plopping down on the couch, forcing a huge handful of chips into his mouth. 

“Oishii~” he mused barely comprehensibly. It seemed like it had been a while since Juzou had eaten properly, not to say chips were a proper meal. Shinohara half-smiled, taking a seat beside him. “So,” Juzou could say after swallowing, gobs of grease rolled down his chin, “Tell me more, Shinohara. I want to know everything about you.” He slipped his feet out of his slippers, turning to face Shinohara properly. 

“Hmm,” Shinohara thought, giving his whiskers a scratch, “How about we trade?” he asked, longing to know more about Juzou as well, “I’ll tell you my secrets of you tell me yours?” 

“I’ll go first!” he crossed his legs, setting the grease-soaked bag of chips down on the coffee table to free his hands, “What do you want to know? Ask anything!” he shook out quick jazz hands for emphasis while Shinohara organized his questions. 

“Alright, for starters, how old are you?” Shinohara asked, curious to know everything, but wise enough to start out small. 

“Oh, right! Well, my basics are important. I’m nineteen…? I think that’s it, nineteen or twenty. I’m from Japan, too, but I had to run away when they took Mama away from me… So I snuck onto a tradeship and wound up here!” he smiled a toothy, carefree smile. Globs of salt and grease dripped down his face, collecting just under his chin. 

“You’ve got something…” Shinohara thumbed the spot on his chin where Juzou would find a rogue grease drip on his own face. Without really thinking, he wiped it away with the back of his hand. The red thread absorbed the grease, turning a dark, blood colour. Grease collected in the dips the stitches made, looking a lot like puss at this point. 

“Ugh, now look what you’ve done, Juzou,” he whined to himself, “I got my stitches dirty and now they’re ugly.” His shoulders sagged, his bottom lip pouted. 

“Let me have a look,” Shinohara held out his hand. 

“No, they’re gross,” he protested, but didn’t fight it when Shinohara took his hand, running a thumb across the stitches gingerly. They were deep, sure stitches, definitely painful to perform, if they didn’t clean the grease out, they may get infected. Juzou watched Shinohara’s face, then their hands, then back again. He matched up his finger’s with Shinohara’s, giving them a sense of how much smaller his own hands were. His fingers just barely reached Shinohara’s second knuckles. “They’re so small,” he said after a while, staring down at their hands. An unfamiliar jolt in his chest made him squeak.

“Are you okay?” Shinohara asked, looking alarmed. 

“Yeah,” he replied quietly, not exactly sure what that was. A fluttery warmth collected in his chest for a few long moments before fading away. Shinohara looked between his face and their hands, lacking anything to say. A tense silence gathered overhead, but neither knew exactly why. “I have to redo them, they’re ugly,” Juzou broke the silence, reverting to his usual, excitable self. he brought his hand up right to his eyes, micro-analysing the sutures. “In order to do that, I’d need to take a shower, do you mind, Shinohara?” 

“Of course not, but…” Shinohara had always wondered what the deal was with Juzou’s sutures. Now seemed like the best time to ask, “Doesn’t it hurt? It seems like you’ve done quite a few…” his eyes raked over Juzou’s frame: two near his eye, two in his bottom lip, a line down his chest, another line perpendicular to that, and countless winding around his arms. All of them were made deep, confident strokes. 

“I can’t feel it, don’t worry! Besides, I think they’re pretty, and they feel nice coming out. Come on, I’ll show you!” Juzou smiled, taking Shinohara’s hand and pulling him up to a standing position. He stood dizzily for a moment before making a run for the bathroom, chasing after Juzou who was already peeling out of his shirt when he caught up. 

“Look, I don’t know--” 

“Aw, don’t be shy!” Juzou interrupted. “It’s fun! Like…” he paused, trying to make a good comparison as he set the water to molten hot, “It’s like unraveling a blanket, it’s weirdly satisfying.” He smiled as the bathroom filled with fog. Shinohara leaned against the wall, staring at the wall adjacent and in Juzou’s opposite direction. He heard a quiet, high pitched growling, like a chihuahua, and turned to see Juzou gnawing at the first stitch on his middle finger. He sighed, opening the mirror and retrieving a pair of scissors. He crossed the small room, taking Juzou’s hand out of his mouth and cutting small knot out of the end of the thread. 

“Honestly,” Shinohara let out another exasperated sigh, “any more?” he asked. Juzou pointed to another end stitch at the top of his shoulder, unbothered by the growing humidity in the small bathroom. His hair had begun to stick to his cheeks. They waited for the steam heat to loosen up the fiber of the thread, as well as his skin, before he tugged lightly at the end of his finger. 

“Here,” he said excitedly, “you pull it.” Shinohara didn’t look too sure. Not only was the hot thickness of the air less than uncomfortable, he was also not too keen on the idea of pulling thread out of a semi-naked boy’s skin. Juzou could see Shinohara’s unrest, and made a face. “Come on, Shinohara, it’s okay, just pull it out. That’s what the heat is for, to make it easy!”

“I figured, but--”

“But whaaat?? it won’t get stuck, I promise!” Juzou looked ready to pitch a fit. His large eyes grew even larger as he begged quietly for Shinohara to humour him, just this once. And though Shinohara was dubious, he figured he still had the control, and if it seemed like removing the stitches this way hurt him, they could stop and think of a better plan. 

“Alright,” Shinohara complied, grabbing Juzou’s wrist with one hand and grasping the thread poking out of his middle finger with the other. The way the thread stuck out was a bit disgusting. The thought of the pain sent a shiver down Shinohara’s spine, but Juzou seemed adamant about his lack of feeling. He’d have to trust him for now. 

“Yay!~” Juzou exclaimed, happy he’d won this battle. He sat on the sink, his hand in Shinohara’s and the other playing with the stitches in his lip. The steam had made his flesh supple enough to pull the thread without it snagging too much. Shinohara gave a small, testing tug, watching the tail end of the thread dive below the surface of Juzou’s skin and resurfice about a centimeter downward. He looked up, and seeing no fragments of discomfort, he proceeded in pulling out the thread. Juzou remained quiet for the first four stitches, but when the suturing wound under his arm, he started to laugh. He laughed like a child, sounding like wind chimes, or fairies, or a thousand little bells. This amazing Shinohara, who had to pause his work to behold this. 

“You weren’t kidding when you said it felt nice,” Shinohara mused as Juzou caught his breath. 

“Keep going, keep going!” he giggled. Shinohara revamped for another pulling session, quickly learning to enjoy Juzou’s breathless laughter, fascinated in watching red thread porpoise up and down through his flesh, faster and faster until the tail was pulled free from the tip of his middle finger. Needlehead sized bruises formed around the empty holes in his skin, but other than that Juzou was fine. “Let’s go again!” he sang, cutting free a few stitches here and there with the discarded scissors. This time Shinohara wasn’t so reluctant. In fact, he was happy to oblige. 

Soon, all that was left was the line crossing Juzou’s chest. By now, Shinohara had to hold tightly to his waist to still his fits of laughter. The CCG had never trained him for wrangling laughing, squirming humans before, but Shinohara decided he didn’t mind this challenge. It was happy, no one was hurting, or angry, or dying. There was only blissful intimacy between he and his new friend. The last few stitches had Juzou letting out screams of uncontrollable laughter, making him struggle against Shinohara even harder. 

“We’re almost done, Juzou, I can’t hold you if you struggle,” Shinohara laughed, he couldn’t help it. Juzou’s laughter was contagious. It could make anyone feel happy to be alive. 

“I can’t!-- Aha, I’m sorr--” Juzou struggled to speak in the dense air. He pushed hard against Shinohara’s chest, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t hold on. With the last stitch, Juzou slipped backward and fell into the bath with a wet thud.

“Shit,” Shinohara swore under his breath, pulling away the shower curtain, “You okay?” Juzou sat under the spray with his arms crossed and his brows furrowed. His legs slumped over the rim of the tub, little rivulets of water trailing down his legs and onto the floor. Hot water licked his cheeks until they turned pink, and glued his hair to his face. Juzou looked up at Shinohara and attempted to blow a strand of hair from his eyes. Instead of acting concerned, however, a hardy laugh build up in Shinohara’s chest. It gathered strength until it broke free and burst from his lungs, filling the air with deep, bellowing laughter. 

“Why are you laughing,” Juzou did his best to stay angry, but couldn’t hide the small smile on his lips. He yanked Shinohara downward by his wrist, only allowing enough time for him to turn and hit his back on the wall before slipping down into the tub beside him. “Now we’re even.”

“Touche,” Shinohara laughed. Blotches of pink, scalded skin rose where the water hit him. He hissed quietly as he tapped the faucet to a colder setting before turning it all the way off. He stood carefully, letting most of the water drain from his clothes, and helped Juzou out of the tub. 

“Who knew you were such a problem child,” Shinohara joked as he shed his shirt. 

“I do my best,” Juzou smiled warmly, though he shivered at the temperature change, “I’m still a good boy, though… Right?” 

“Of course,” Shinohara reassured him with a smile. He took a towel off a rack on the wall opposite the shower, rubbing off as much water as he could. He opened a small window a smidge to let some of the steam escape. The room slowly cooled down, and the air thinned to a more breathable density. Juzou squeezed his shoulders, shivering as a cool breeze drifted in through the window. He stood, awkwardly curved into himself, half naked and dripping water. _There are towels right here, why doesn’t he take one himself?_ Shinohara complained inwardly. 

“Here,” he said, tossing a bright white towel in Juzou’s direction. Watching closely, Juzou did his best to mimic Shinohara’s motions, but wound up simply placing the towel on his head, looking a little like a fluffy ghost. 

“How do I…? This isn’t right,” he whined, quickly getting frustrated. Hiding under the towel, he stared confusedly into the darkness until saved him. 

“Need some help?” he asked with an amused edge to his voice. Juzou nodded. The towel was lifted and rubbed through his hair, absorbing most of the water, as well as completely stumping him, and Shinohara could see it. “What’s wrong?” he asked, “you’re acting like towels are foreign objects.”

“I’ve seen them I just never knew what they were for,” Juzou explained nonchalantly, peeking out from underneath the end of the towel, “Mama never let me use them…” he trailed off, suddenly not wanting to talk about this. 

“She must’ve been a strange woman,” Shinohara replied cautiously, sensing the boys mother was a sensitive topic. But could a boy with no pain feel discomfort? They fell silent as Shinohara’s less than gentle hands continued to get him a dry as possible before entering the rest of the house. 

“Shinohara,” Juzou called for his attention through the rough towel-drying, “Why did you leave the CCG? And Japan?” Shinohara sighed, throwing the towel into a hamper, crossing the hall and into the bedroom. Juzou watched, unsure of whether or not he was invited to join. 

“I understood what I was getting myself into, but I didn’t think it applied to her…” he said, trailing off. 

“Your important person?” Juzou stood awkwardly, inching forward ever so slightly. Shinohara smiled, giving him the go ahead. They stood together as Shinohara searched through a drawer for something for the two of them to wear. He decided to give the kid a t shirt and ask about his lack of personal artifacts later. When he straightened again, Juzou snaked underneath his right arm. “You’re my important person, Shinohara,” Juzou said quietly, “If it makes you sad to talk about it, you don’t have to.” With Juzou burying his face into his chest, Shinohara resisted the urge to raise his arms over his head like he’d just been tackled by a toddler, and chose instead to readjust for a proper hug. 

“Thank you, Juzou, but,” they separated, “I’ll tell you exactly what’s on my mind if you explain two things to me.” Juzou looked confused but nodded slowly, complying with not much forethought. “What is your living situation here in Australia?” he asked first, getting what he assumed was the least difficult question out of the way. 

“Oh, I live wherever there’s room for me,” Juzou replied, somehow relieved, “I mostly roamed the streets until I ran into you closing your shop that first time. No one lives in that alleyway, so I guess _that’s_ where I live.” Shinohara handed him a white undershirt and a pair of shorts from university he hadn’t realized he’d packed until now. Juzou took them, and excused himself to the bathroom to change, returning quickly saying, “If your next question is ‘where’s all your stuff,’ I haven’t got any.” 

“You really are homeless…” A deep concern sank Shinohara’s shoulders. Juzou, now sitting happily on the bed, frowned a bit, watching Shinohara weigh his options. “Juzou,” he sat down next to him, being sure that he was paying attention, “How would you like to stay with me for a while?” Juzou’s jaw dropped, “At least until you get your life sorted,” Shinohara continued, “You seem to like working at the shop, I could use your help.” 

“Shinohara, you’re not serious,” Juzou gasped, his hands crawling up to claw his cheeks. Shinohara had done his thinking. He was a trained CCG agent in charge of destroying ghouls. He could handle a wiley teenager. Besides, both of them needed the companionship. 

“That, I am,” Shinohara said with a smile. Instantaneously, he found himself with arms full of an unbelievably excited Juzou. 

“Shinohara! I can’t believe it! You would do that for me!? You’re so generous! How can I ever repay you!!!??? Thank you so much!” Juzou squeezed his legs around Shinohara’s hips, and his arms around his neck. Shinohara did his best to calm him, feeling pretty good himself. 

“All I need you to do is accept my help,” he said. Juzou hopped out of his lap, settling in beside him again. 

“Sounds easy! Oh, what was that second thing you wanted to ask me, Shinohara,” he asked, swinging his legs cheerfully. Shinohara’s gladness waned, remembering that this was where it might get hard. 

“Juzou, I gather that this might be hard for you to answer, but I want you to tell me what had happened to you. Why did you feel the need to stow away and leave Japan?” A darkness gathered over Juzou’s head. He stopped swinging his legs and sat very very still. His eyes widened and his pupils shrank so small, Shinohara could barely see them. “You don’t have to answer, I understand--”

“No, no, it’s okay. I want to. I just,” Juzou looked around the room, anywhere but at Shinohara’s face, “Got anything that packs a punch?” He jumped out of bed, darting around the corner and down the hallway, making a beeline for the kitchen. Shinohara gave a confused ‘wha..?’ and chased him down the hallway. “Aha! This might do the trick.” Juzou exclaimed. Shinohara made it to the kitchen in time to find him invading the liquor cabinet. He chose a bottle at random, setting it on the counter and hopping up to sit beside it. 

“Juzou, what do you think you’re doing,” Shinohara asked sternly, forgetting how he’d found Juzou just a night ago. He’d popped the cap off the bottle he’d chosen before looking up rather innocently. 

“You didn’t want this, did you?” 

“I asked you about your past, not if you wanted a drink. Put that away. You’re far too young.” Juzou’s innocents remained in place, yet his actions were the prime example of defiance. 

“But the drinking age in Australia is eighteen,” Juzou countered.

“I’m not from Australia,” Shinohara’s voice deepened, growing more serious, “Hand it over.” Juzou’s gaze darted from the bottle to Shinohara’s outstretched hand, and back again. 

“I can’t talk about it without something…” he stared at the bottle, poorly making out the swirly, complicated font on the label and deciding it was most likely vodka. English wasn’t his first language, after all, and he hadn’t gone to school here. He could read, yes, but only completely legible words. 

“Why not,” Shinohara asked, having crossed his arms as Juzou stared at the label. Juzou looked up, seeing the unamused tick in Shinohara’s eyebrows. Now was not the time to lie. He certainly did look like a cop. 

“I liked to feel the pain on the outside,” Juzou began, nonchalance fading into shame, “but when Mama found me, she made it so no one could hurt me, not even myself. And sometimes I get this… feeling… like I scooped out all my insides, just so…”

_Empty… _Shinohara thought.__

__“Empty. I need something to fill it up or I’ll lose my mind.” His shoulders began to quake and his grip a the neck of the bottle tightened, yet his face remained completely neutral. Not a glimmer of life showed in his eyes as he stared blankly at the floor. Shinohara, completely taken aback, suddenly understood. _He’s crying,_ he thought, _Whatever they did to him, he can’t even cry anymore…_ _ _

__“I’m so sorry, Juzou,” Shinohara said quietly, staring at the hair that hid his face, “I never intended to make you feel this way, you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to.”_ _

__“No I do, Shinohara,” he interrupted, “I want to tell you, but I can’t without _something_. I won’t do it if it really upsets you, though. I promise.” He was telling the truth. It didn’t seem like he was addicted to alcohol, and he would find a better coping skill if he needed to. But, for now, he _was_ of age._ _

__“One shot,” he permitted, “You don’t want to overdo it with that, it’s Russian.” Juzou smiled, as if he’d been fine all along._ _

__“That’s why I couldn’t read it,” he said before bringing the bottle to his lips and power-chugging nearly a third of it’s contents. Seeing his plan backfire significantly, Shinohara snatched the bottle out of his hands. “Wow, you were right, Shinohara,” Juzou mused, feeling heavy levels of ethanol begin on their destructive path, “Definitely made by the Russians.” Shinohara rolled his eyes. He set the bottle of vodka on the highest shelf as condescendingly as possible, ignoring Juzou’s whimper of protest._ _

__“If you vomit, anywhere at all, you’re responsible.” And with that, Shinohara settled into the couch, letting his concern take over his frustration for now. Juzou wandered over, falling heavily next to him, draping an arm over his shoulders._ _

__“My arms feel funny without stitches,” Juzou pointed out, “They’re all smooth. Feel,” and he promptly began caressing Shinohara’s face with his arms, much to Shinohara’s chagrin. The whiskers on his face, however, scratched lightly at Juzou’s skin, creating pink etches all over his forearms. “Wow, your face sure is prickly,” Juzou giggled, enjoying the roughness._ _

__“Yeah, I know-- Juzou, get off me,” Shinohara pushed him off, but Juzou decided to get comfortable literally _right_ next to him, now holding Shinohara’s face in his hands. _ _

__“How does it get like that?” he giggled curiously, tracing cheekbones with his thumbs._ _

__“You don’t know?” Shinohara asked, a little bewildered by Juzou’s sudden need to touch, “Maybe not yet, which is a bit strange, but you’ll wind up with facial hair too.” Something. Something he’d said made Juzou pull his hands back like he’d been burned. Realization struck him deep, stopping his words in his throat._ _

__“You mean I was supposed to be prickly like this too?” Shinohara’s brain had begun to hurt trying to comprehend Juzou’s mood swings. He nodded, choosing the easy route to a solid answer, he’d hoped. He got his wish in the worst way, as Juzou raked his nails down his cheeks, staring off into space again. “Rei wins from beyond the grave...” he whispered._ _

__“Juzou,” Shinohara said with great trepidation, “Juzou, what’s wrong?” He slowly placed a hand on the boys shoulder, but he didn’t react. He only spoke in an eerie monotone._ _

__“I don’t remember being normal, Shinohara, but I used to be…” He sat with his head in his hands, his spine bending so much it almost looked painful. Shinohara pulled him close, holding him as he wept in his own way._ _

__“What happened to you, Juzou.”_ _

__“I was kidnapped when I was really little,” he began, trembling a bit and fisting Shinohara’s shirt, “They told me that when I learned how to do it right, I was going to be a killer. I killed lots of things: I killed bugs, fish, cats, people, you name it; I’ve taken it apart. It was fun, the other scrappers were nice to me. One day, I was taken into a big fancy room, where Mama chose me as her new pet. She loved me, and said she’d make me beautiful. She dressed me up and showed me to all of her friends with the scary eyes. And I love her so much, I did everything she asked. And If I was a good boy, she’d beat me so I wouldn’t hurt.”_ _

___Oh my god…_ Shinohara thought, but stayed quiet, _Wait a minute. “Scary eyes”..?_ Juzou began to shake harder, yet his eyes stayed serene. _ _

__“This one time I earned so many points, she said she’d make me beautiful forever. She said, ‘Rei-chan, you’ll be my little doll forever now. You’ll never turn into one of those disgusting men. From now on you’ll live as a girl!’”_ _

__Shinohara held his breath, afraid he might explode. But Juzou still continued._ _

__“She beat me so hard, parts of me came off. I couldn’t feel anything after that. I didn’t need to. I was hers. I killed things when she asked. I dressed when she asked. I entertained her friends with scary eyes, too. I wanted to be a boy so bad, Shinohara. But my Mama loves me, and I love her. She wanted a little girl. Everyone wants a little girl.”_ _

___”Would you like me more if I was a girl?”_ Shinohara remembered Juzou saying that last night, just before he fell asleep, _That woman. His ‘mother’. Did she **castrate** him!?_ It made sense, Juzou’s violent amorality was a consequence of becoming a murderer. His inability to feel pain was a repercussion of the beatings he’d received. And the castration was the reason he appeared so androgynous. He _couldn’t_ develop, even though it’s the one thing he wants most. _ _

__“Then,” Juzou continued, “All these big men with strange weapons came flooding in. And took Mama and her friends with the scary eyes away. I never saw her again. A man almost took me in but he never did. So I came here.”_ _

__“Juzou,” Shinohara managed just above a whisper. His heart felt heavy. “What did Mama’s friends’ eyes look like?” Juzou finally looked up, looking indifferent._ _

__“This part,” he said, poking the white bit of his eye, “was black, and the inside was red.”_ _

__“And were Mama’s the same way?” Juzou nodded. Shinohara sighed, _She was a ghoul. Something tells me those men were from the CCG._ He decided to keep it to himself for now. It seemed like Juzou wasn’t her actual son. More importantly, she destroyed him. And Shinohara couldn’t help but feel the overwhelming need to put his pieces back together. “Juzou, you can be whatever you want. I will stand by you and support you through anything.” Shinohara felt like Juzou needed someone committed to helping him, and he wanted to be that for him. He’d spent so long grieving for his wife that he’d forgotten what it’s like to have something to work at. Shinohara needed Juzou as much as Juzou needed Shinohara. That much was clear. _ _

__“But I’ll never be right, I’m a doll. I’ll never really be a--”_ _

__“Nonsense,” Shinohara silenced him, “You’re an outstanding boy, Juzou, and don’t doubt it for a second.” A single, long awaited tear pushed it’s way through Juzou’s lashes, slipping down his cheeks._ _

__“Thank you, Shinohara… for being my important person.” He seemed lighter on Shinohara’s chest, like a colossal weight had been taken off of his shoulders. His breathing evened and slowed. Some say that if a person falls asleep around another, they feel safe around them. Shinohara liked to believe they were right at the best of times. Right now was proof that they were._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow my tumblr? mylifeisaverageish.tumblr.com


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooh! here i am! updating at an almost consistent rate for the first time in forever!!! if you would be so kind as to please please please read my other stories? _My Estrangement_ being the better of the two others? also, if you could please please please tell me how im doing? i need approval or else i feel like im not doing a good job 3: anyways, thank you thank you!

“I’ll do it!!!” Juzou volunteered to restock the news section, running to the door nestled between the counter at a shelf full of various brands of cigarettes. Shinohara didn’t like selling cigarettes, with the plain packaging laws scaring the children, but money is money these days. 

“Alright, alright, don’t hurt yourself,” Shinohara laughed at Juzou’s enthusiasm. Juzou stuck his tongue out at him, acknowledging his joke, before disappearing into the stockroom. It has been a lovely few months since they’d met. The sun had loosened its grip, cooling the air over Surry Hills. Winter was coming. _I don’t know if 10 degrees counts as cold, but everyone else seems to think so_ Shinohara thought, amused at the customers that had already begun to complain. It was dark, almost 23:00, but it was also the weekend and a few floaters casually perused the aisles, even at this time. Shinohara looked over from a conversation he was having with an old man when the bell tied to the door chimed twice. 

“Oyasumi nasai, Shinohara-san!” two identical voices greeted in unison. 

“Oh, hello, Kurona and Nashiro,” Shinohara replied, “What a nice surprise!”

“We missed you, Shinohara.”

“Yeah, it’s been so long!”

“School is so time consuming--”

“We don’t have time to visit.” They spoke one after the other, explaining the lack of conversation. Shinohara waved away their excuses, shaking his head with a smile on his face. 

“Don’t worry about it, girls. As long as you’re doing well, I don’t mind a bit!” They chatted for a bit, discussing the weather and what the twins thought of university. It was Shinohara who convinced them to apply to UWS in the first place. Neither were certain they’d even get in, but when both twins were accepted, they ran straight to the convenient shop to tell him the good news. It’s April now, first term had just ended, and Nashiro and Kurona were eager to debrief. “Just a moment,” Shinohara paused the conversation, “I should probably see what’s taking him so long in there, excuse me. I’ll only be a minute.” Kurona and Nashiro didn’t question it, nodding together and turning to scout the aisles for anything of interest. 

“Agh!” Juzou struggled under a large box threatening to fall from a high shelf, “Hi Shinohara!” he said, “I _had_ everything under control, but gravity hates me.” His beanpole arms shook with the effort exerted to keep the box from falling. He smiled happily, though, like everything was perfectly fine. 

“The trouble you get yourself into,” Shinohara mused, taking the box from Juzou like it weighed nothing. Juzou shrugged, looking up at him with big, shining eyes. “Why don’t you go back out there? I’ll finish up in here,” Shinohara offered, giving the boy a pat on the shoulder. 

“Okay!” Juzou grinned and gallivanted out of the stockroom, running into an old briefcase on the way, “Oops, sorry!” 

“Hmmm…” Shinohara bent to pick up the fallen briefcase, running his thumb over the handle, “It’s been awhile since I’ve seen this…”

* * *

Juzou skipped over to the counter, hopping up onto it instead of sitting behind it. That was Shinohara’s spot, and this was his, this special little unused section of countertop. He loved his little spot, kicking his legs and smiling brightly whenever he thought of his special place in Shinohara’s convenient store. It was his niche, his place in the world, and wow did he love having a place. He looked around, seeing a total of four people. The first two were near the chemist. They held each other close, looking down at whatever was in front of them. The shorter one, a girl, looked up at the other, a boy, with a small purple box in her hand and smiled an evil sort of smile. He responded in kind, then pressed her smile to his. Juzou watched curiously as they did this, wondering what it meant. A police siren startled the couple out of their strange embrace.

“Shit, I’ll be back Mel, think we just got a ticket. Damn pigs,” the boy said.

“That’ll teach you to park like you’re dumb as rocks. I swear, Joe, you’re about as useful as an arsehole on your elbow sometimes.” The boy, Joe, rolled his eyes and Mel snickered before making her way to Juzou’s counter. “Hello,” she said, flashing a warm smile, “just this for tonight.” She handed Juzou the box, purple with some sort of horse on it. He became quite fixated on the contents of this particular good. 

“What’s in it?” he asked, completely forgetting that he knew how to read labels. 

“Don’t you know?” she asked, a little surprised. Juzou shrugged, still examining the box. Mel leaned in closer, keeping her words between Juzou and herself, “It’s for a little… _anti- family planning_ if you know what I mean.” 

“Nope, not a clue,” Juzou admitted, figuring he’d just ask Shinohara later, “But I’ll let you have it for free if you tell me something,” he poked at her collarbone, “and don’t snitch either, promise?” 

“I promise,” she laughed, humouring him. He liked how her eyes crinkled in the corners, she seemed happy, and it made him happy. 

“What were you and that boy doing over there?” Juzou asked quietly, like he was sharing a secret. 

“What do you mean?” Mel replied. Juzou’s hands came together to sign out his meanings. 

“Your faces touched.” Mel’s water-coloured eyes lit up with understanding.

“You mean when we kissed?” Juzou nodded. 

“Yeah, yeah, what does that mean?” Juzou sat at the edge of his seat, hanging off every word she said. Mel, though she didn’t understand how a boy that looked to be her age could not know what kissing or condoms were, felt a certain genuineness about him. Everything was a little discovery to him, and helping him understand made her feel important. Plus free condoms. 

“It’s a way to say I love you,” she said, “You’re only supposed to kiss the people you think are very important to you.” 

“Aww, thats beautiful!” Juzou said, loving the response he got. Mel smiled, taking the box back and walking towards the door. 

“Hey,” she called back to Juzou, “I’m Melody. What’s your name?” 

“Juzou Suzuya!” he cheered, arms stretching out to emphasize his exuberance. 

“You’re a funny guy, Juzou, see ya around,” and she was gone. This left the last two, who now stood perfectly still. They were a little hard to see in the back of the dimly lit store. Juzou had to concentrate to realize he knew them. 

“Nashiro, Kurona!” he exclaimed, “Konban wa~!”

“Juzou…” In a loud, wet burst, four large red tentacles shot out from the small of Kurona’s back. “I’ve been looking for you.” 

“Kurona, no.” Nashiro whimpered in an effort to calm her twin. 

“Whoa,” Juzou mused, “So pretty, how did you do that?” His innocent compliment shot darts of rage into Kurona’s soul. She turned slowly to face him, and as she looked up, her left eye burned black and red. Seeing it stole all the air from Juzou’s lungs. 

“You,” he growled, “you have Mama’s eyes.”

* * *

“My god,” Shinohara sighed, his movements slowed with nostalgia as he played around with the handle. Conflicted emotions raced through his mind. To anyone else, it seemed like an ordinary briefcase, but Shinohara remembered what it was. Thumbing the button on the handle, he remembered just how powerful this particular weapon is. 

A quinque is a weapon derived from the kagunes of ghouls. When a ghoul is killed, their kagunes are removed and harnessed to make things like swords, knives, hammers, etc. Electrical impulses within a specific blend of steel help control the kagune and bend it to the user’s will. Shinohara had been allowed to keep his when he moved to Australia, just in case, but he’d long since abandoned it. Leaving it to gather dust in the stockroom all this time. 

An earsplitting crash interrupted Shinohara’s thoughts and spurred him into action. He made for the door, opening it a smidgen before it was slammed shut again with the weight of someone being thrown against it. Whoever they were, they got up quickly allowing Shinohara to reopen the door. And boy, what a sight awaited him. 

“Aw, no. Get up and keep fighting, I wasn’t finished yet~” Juzou stood on top of the counter brandishing six switchblades, three per hand. He smiled a bright, elated grin, staring in the direction of a large bloodstain on the opposite wall. The shop was in ruins. Shelves were ran through. Bags of crisps had exploded, their innards scattered on the floor. Papers and miscellaneous clutter littered the floor. A glass door to the fridges had been shattered, it too was covered in blood. “Come on, what are you waiting for? See if you can hit me!” 

Nashiro sat in a bloodied lump amongst the debris. Shinohara’s eyes widened as he watched through the crack in the door as Kurona growled, her kagune tensed and ready for attack. _Ghouls… Both of them,_ Shinohara thought, _right under my nose. I thought there were no ghouls in Australia! They’re everywhere!?_ Glowing, fiery-red tentacles darted through the air, chasing after Juzou at lightening speed. Shinohara watched, speechless as he dodged Kurona’s advances, uncaring for the seriousness of his situation. Juzou was not only unsusceptible to pain, he also appeared to be fearless. _I have to stop this._

“That,” Shinohara said, stepping out of the stockroom, quinque in hand, “is quite enough, ladies and gentleman.” Juzou jumped forward off of the counter, putting himself between Shinohara and Kurona. 

“Shinohara, don’t come closer,” he said, “I want to do this by myself. Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing.” 

“Stop acting like you care, Juzou. It’s _you_ that is the danger. Not me. I’m _your_ danger. Not Shinohara’s,” Kurona hissed, her right eye boiled with human frustration, but her _left_. Her left eye burned black and red. 

“At what moment was I unclear,” Shinohara boomed, spooking the two into silence. “Both of you, before me now.” Juzou stood motionless, expressionless, while Kurona’s kagune retracted into the base of her spine as she followed his orders. Juzou turned slowly, dropping his knives. Now that he had their attention, he set his concealed weapon heavily on the counter. “Kurona.” 

“Yes, Sir,” she said promptly, hanging her head. 

“You and your sister are only half-ghouls, correct?”

“How did you know? How did you know we were only half?” She stared deep into Shinohara’s eyes. Her eyes had returned to their original form. 

“Your kakugan,” Shinohara said, pointing to his left eye, “your eyes don’t match, and it gave you away. Do you mind if I ask you how you came to be like this?” Nashiro coughed from the back of the store. Kurona turned, almost joining her, but didn’t dare move when Shinohara growled her name. 

“It’s complicated,” was her only reply. Shinohara shrugged, placing a hand on the briefcase. 

“Do either of you know what this is?” Juzou shook his head slowly, having never taken his eyes of of it. 

“What is it, Shinohara?” He stayed still, though it was apparent that he was fighting the urge to touch it, examine it like a child. 

“Think of it as a warning,” Shinohara gave a stern look to Kurona who definitely knew what it was. She stared, horrified, at the case, smelling the essence of a fallen ghoul. Shinohara had always felt bad about how quinques were made, but now was the time to flex the CCG’s muscles. “Kurona, I’d like for you to explain your side of the story,” he looked down at Juzou, “Juzou, you will not interrupt, you’ll get your chance later. Nashiro will be allowed to continue regenerating at her own pace.” The two nodded. “Nashiro, will you be alright?” Shinohara called to the back of the shop.

“I think so…” a feeble voice called back. Kurona relaxed visibly, now comfortable with focusing on other things, like her story. 

“I didn’t know Juzou would be here,” she started, glaring at him, “Nashiro and I had intended on just stopping by. But I can recognize that voice anywhere. I got angry, and when I turned around, he saw my eyes. He said I had his mother’s eyes?” _Oh no,_ Shinohara thought, listening to her side of the story. _The eyes. That must’ve triggered him._ “He threw Nashiro against the wall,” she said, getting angry. Her kakugan came back to life. “Then you came out before I could kill him for what he did to her.”

“And what was that? I assume it had something to do with the time I met the two of you girls,” Shinohara asked. 

"He… He bloodied her up! Yes, she healed herself up fine, but she was broken for weeks!” She was getting irrational remembering her sister then, seeing her this way now, “God, Shinohara, you’re a respected member of this community. Why would you take in a stray like this? You must be _stupid! Out of your mind!_ ” 

“You’re really starting to bother me!” Shinohara hadn’t noticed Juzou grew tenser and tenser. His eyes widened, he held his breath. When he’d begun to shake he had to speak up, “Shinohara doesn’t want us to fight, but if you don’t stop saying those things, I’ll take you apart.” 

“Juzou!” Shinohara exclaimed, “Why would you ever say that?” Shinohara was taken aback, offended by rudeness not intended for him. Juzou saw he’d done wrong by him, and made his own attempt at an apology. 

“She was being mean to you,” he said, groveling just the slightest bit, “Besides, it doesn’t matter if Nashiro dies. That’s why Kurona’s so mad, she doesn’t like it when I hurt her sister. But everyone dies, so what difference does it make? One day we’ll all be dead. What’s so bad about me being the one to do it?”

Shinohara and Kurona stared, slack-jawed, wondering how he could even say such things. Kurona, too shocked to do anything, just stood there, but Shinohara tried to understand. _The ghoul who kidnapped him, Mama, she must’ve trained him to kill other ghouls on top of force him to live as a girl. That’s why he reacts without morals to anything with ghoul eyes. No Pain, No Fear, No Morals… Wow..._

“Kurona,” Shinohara said after a while, placing a hand on her shoulder, “ I have to explain something to you.” She nodded. “I used to belong to a Japanese agency designed to eliminate ghouls as you could probably guess. However, I’m willing to look the other way if you promise me two things.”

“Yes, yes anything,” she said, a fear played in her voice at the thought of being ‘eliminated’. 

“Promise you’ll limit your feedings to those who die natural deaths or take their own lives--” 

“Of course, of course, we do that already.” 

“And I’ll need you to forgive Juzou Suzuya for his misconduct.” 

““What,”” Juzou and Kurona answered in unison, equally confused. Shinohara broke out of his stern demeanor and smiled tiredly. 

“Kurona, Juzou, and Nashiro as well, I think of you all as people I need to protect at the best of times. As long as you agree and abide by the rules I’ve set, I don’t see why we can’t all get along. Faults were made on both sides, I say we apologize and put it behind us. I’ll see to it that these mistakes are never made again.” 

“I think it’s a great idea!” Juzou seconded the motion, latching onto Kurona in a tight hug. “I’m sorry, Kurona-chan! Let’s be friends!” Kurona groaned, looking up at Shinohara who shrugged as if to say _just play along._ She sighed and gave him a defeated pat on the head. 

“I forgive you, Juzou _-chan,_ ” she grumbled, chewing out the endearment like she couldn’t help herself. Shinohara said nothing, taking what he can get in this situation and watched as Juzou skipped over fallen aisles to Nashiro’s side. He knelt down beside her, rubbing blood off of her cheek. 

“I’m sorry, Nashiro-chan,” he whispered calmly, still petting her cheek. Kurona tensed, but exercised her restraint. Shinohara smiled, proud of her already. Nashiro smiled weakly, covering Juzou’s hand on her cheek with her own. 

“It’s okay, Juzou,” she sighed, already looking mostly healed. She swiftly dug her fingernails into Juzou’s hand, drawing blood. “Gotcha,” she said smugly. 

“Oh, no fair!” Juzou laughed, recognizing that Nashiro had, in fact, actually landed a blow. Nashiro giggled, soon joined by Juzou, then Shinohara. Eventually even Kurona was laughing along with them. Feeling secure in the start of healthy friendships, the four of them quickly discussed who would be cleaning up the shop as well as when they’d be doing so. Juzou and Kurona volunteered quickly, deciding to close the shop all day tomorrow to repair it. Once this was all set in stone, Kurona helped Nashiro stand, and the two of them left, feeling better than they did coming in. 

“What a busy day,” Shinohara sighed, leaning heavily against the counter to behold the wreckage, “You really did a number on my shop.” Juzou returned to his usual spot, staring at all the work he’d have to do in the morning. He whined, imagining how tedious it would be, but it really was the least he could do. They sat quietly for a long minute, unwinding from all the excitement. 

“I learned something today,” Juzou sighed, resting a temple on Shinohara’s shoulder. 

“Oh? And what would that be?” Shinohara asked. 

“I saw two people over by the chemist section do it. One of them said it’s only for your important person.” 

“Well, let’s hear it,” Shinohara said, beginning to get a bit curious. Juzou sat up straight, spending a moment deep in thought, remembering exactly how to go about doing whatever it is he wanted to do. He spun around to face Shinohara, realizing he’d be a bit out of reach. 

“Could you.. get a bit lower?” Juzou asked, still contemplating his course of action. Shinohara’s under-active imagination stirred. _What could it be? Is it a secret? Or maybe a suggestion? _Of course, he leaned down to meet Juzou’s eye level, waiting for his next set of instructions. Meanwhile, Juzou appeared to be reasoning with himself, or at least helping himself remember what it is he wanted to do. Eventually he came to a conclusion he liked. “Close your eyes,” he ordered.__

“Okay…” Shinohara complied, now bent and blinded with curiosity. He could hear Juzou shuffle closer, settling into his plan, wanting to open his eyes and see him, but chose to play along. When he felt Juzou’s hair brush against his face, impatience made him fidget. Just when he thought he couldn’t take the suspense, something warm and soft pecked lightly at his cheek. 

_Oh, no._

“Aw, I missed,” Juzou mused. _I don’t believe it,_ Shinohara thought. His eyes snapped open, face turned to Juzou just in time for his second attempt. For just a moment, Juzou’s lips met his in a quick, tentative kiss. The bright smile on his face made the words stick painfully in Shinohara’s throat. 

“Juzou…” he said sadly. 

“Yes?” he replied, happy laughter sounding like bells behind his voice. 

“I love my wife.” Juzou’s face fell, confusion making it’s way to the forefront of his expression. 

“Your old important person?” he said slowly, unsure if he understood, “What about her?” Juzou’s naivety bore deep into Shinohara’s heart. Having to explain this might me harder than he was prepared for. But it had to be done. 

“Juzou, you can’t kiss me,” he started, “She’s everything to me. I love her more than anything.” Juzou continued to stare, wide-eyed and confused, eventually smiling from lack of anything else to do. And for some unknown reason, Shinohara became frustrated. “What don’t you understand,” he asked, or more so stated. 

“Well, your wife is dead, so why bring her up?... Shinohara? What’s wrong, you look upset…” Juzou’s confused smile drooped into a worried frown. He watched as Shinohara caught the breath that he’d just knocked out of him with his last statement, unknowing of how harsh it really was. 

“You are not my wife, Juzou. I know she’s dead, but I _love her_. Do you really not know what that means?” Shinohara took an angry glance in Juzou’s direction, but seeing the boy’s face made him instantly sorry. Juzou sat still, realization hitting him like a ton of effeminate bricks. He didn’t hear, _I love her._ He heard, _I don’t love you, because you’re not her. Because you’re not **a** her._

“Shinohara… I thought that didn’t matter to you,” he whispered, staring still. He wasn’t breathing, wasn’t blinking, wasn’t doing anything but staring like a deer in headlights. 

“No, no, that’s not what I meant,” Shinohara floundered, searching for explanations that wouldn’t come to him. Juzou wouldn’t stop _staring!_ He could feel his eyes burning holes through him, and he was powerless to stop it. Horrible communication skills would be his downfall. After long minutes of no reactions from Juzou, despite Shinohara’s numerous attempts, Juzou leapt down from his perch on the counter. He stared down at his feet, making eye contact with the bunnies stitched into his slippers. “Juzou..?” Shinohara called his attention, watching his eyes rake upward until they met his. 

“I’m sorry I make you unhappy, Shinohara,” he said evenly at first, but the last syllable of Shinohara’s name cracked his voice, shattering it, leaving shards of unexperienced emotions stuck deep in Shinohara’s soul. Juzou lunged forward, pushing past Shinohara to choose two bottles of whatever to dual-wield. Though Juzou’s exterior was relatively calm, Shinohara remembered what he’d said about his drinking habit, something inside him was hurt bad, and he didn’t know how to deal with it. 

“Juzou...,” Shinohara called him, standing awkwardly beside the counter, he _knew_ it was his fault. He’d upset someone who didn’t even know what it was like to be this upset. Shinohara watched him head for the door, staggering away before stopping abruptly and whining in _pain _. He keened, curling into himself like he’d been punched.__

Shinohara moved in to catch him only to be clawed at, “Don’t touch me!” Juzou’s eyes had gone from disbelief to downright agonized, scleras going bloodshot and streaming with hot tears that burned red paths down his cheeks. He panted, heaving trembling breaths and clutching his chest. 

“Tell me what hurts,” Shinohara advanced again, trying to provide some sort of comfort. But Juzou retaliated like a wounded animal, throwing a bottle so hard it exploded on the wall just behind Shinohara, missing him by a fraction of a centimeter. 

“Everything!” he wailed, “Bloody everything!” Shinohara watched, horrified. Not ten minutes ago Juzou was smiling, content, productive, now he growled like a rabid dog. His eyes narrowed with murderous intentions. He hauled himself up, digging his nails into the doorframe until he stood. By the time he was standing on his own, his anger had mutated into confused fright. “What’s happening to me,” he whined, groaning at the heaviness in his chest. One last time, Shinohara advanced to help, taking slow, careful steps towards Juzou. 

“Juzou… I’m--” 

“You lied to me,” were his parting words. And oh, how they burned Shinohara right down to the bone. Juzou left the convenient store, taking a sharp left to duck into the alleyway. Never to be seen again. Shinohara, too shocked for words, stared at the doorway, standing alone. And the clock above the door, adding it’s own irony, read 23:45.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow my tumblr? mylifeisaverageish.tumblr.com


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, im sorry, i completely forgot to upload this. not the sharpest of minds lol. anyways, here you go.

**Monday:** _Sorry! We’re closed_

**Tuesday:** _Sorry! We’re closed_

**Wednesday:** _Sorry! We’re closed_

**Thursday:** _Sorry! We’re closed_

**Friday:** _Sorry! We’re closed_

**Saturday:** _Sorry! We’re closed_

**Sunday:** _Sorry! We’re closed_

“Shit, I wonder what happened…” a lovely girl with straw-coloured hair and vaguely blue eyes worried as she stood outside Shinohara’s convenient store. 

“I dunno, Mel,” a boy, about a decimeter taller than her rolled his eyes, “Why does it matter, there’s a 7/11 down the street, let’s go.” He leaned against a beaten up jeep parked outside the shop, sweating bullets and growing more and more frustrated. Mel, on the other hand, stood at the door, peering into the dark shop looking for signs of life. 

“Joe, would you promptly come off it,” she snapped, “The guy that owns the place is never out this long. And when he is, Juzou’s usually here anyway, something happened.” 

“Are you forgetting that we’re kinda on a mission,” Joe groaned. When Mel showed no signs of obedience, he came up behind her, hugging her waist. “Let’s go, Melody,” he whispered into her ear, “It’s like 23:40. In the morning, if you want, we can come back.” She sighed, seeing that it was nearly quitting time for the shop, no one would come at a time like this. She turned around, draping her arms over his shoulders. 

“Promise we can come check it out tomorrow? I’m worried about them,” she asked, smiling when Joe nodded insistently. His hands at her waist reeled her into a brief, happy kiss, as both Melody and Joe would get what they want. “I love you,” she said, her voice full of confidence and dreamy truth. 

“I love you, too, Mel,” Joe responded in kind, the same dreamy truth playing in his throat, “Now come on, let’s get home, been making me wait long enough.” The two walked quickly to the jeep, Melody rolling her eyes and making broad generalizations about boys and their manners, or lack thereof. 

“You really know how to treat a lady, you sack of shit,” she laughed, peering out the window at the shop. 

“True, but I’m _your_ sack of shit,” Joe countered, pulling away from the shop and into the street, “Sometimes, I don’t know what possessed you to lug me around, but I’m just gonna let it happen.” 

“Always so eloquent.” 

**Five Months Later**

Shinohara was exhausted, actually dozing quietly at the counter. The rain pattered against the windows, muting the sounds of cars skating by outside. The overhead lights buzzed obnoxiously, as did the refrigerators along the back wall, but all was still enough for Shinohara to catch a few brief minutes of well deserved rest. 

It was already September, the winter had let up considerably, but today was another cold and wet day, the kind that turned your ears red just thinking about it. But spring had kissed open the wildflowers, coaxed the green back into the grass, and turned out yet another miraculous transformation. It would be a matter of days before it was unbearably hot every day until next May. But how could he be happy for spring? The flowers seemed duller, didn’t smell as sweet. The trees sagged their spindly branches, bare and starved. Winter had gone by and Shinohara had seen no signs of Juzou Suzuya. It’s been cold, very cold to the average Australian. Even the homeless had to seek some form of shelter, right? He’d wandered the streets day after day, night after night, looking for Juzou. Even as the sun turned it’s back on him, Shinohara continued to spend every second of every day searching. But after a week went by, he had to reopen the shop. 

“Thought it got colder than this in Japan, Yokochoko,” a particularly mean and passive-aggressive old man had jabbed earlier today.

“It’s ten and pouring, Sir,” Shinohara countered, equally passive-aggressively, “I never said ten wasn’t a bit uncomfortable… And it’s _Yukinori_ , if we were on a first name basis.” Shinohara had been through the wringer these past few months, and it chipped away at him until he was mean, temperamental, and hard to be around. The customers noticed, tried to offer their help, but he never accepted. After a while, people stopped asking, and the close knit relationships Shinohara had with them dissipated. 

The bell affixed to the door jiggled twice, announcing the arrival of a customer. Shinohara glanced at the clock, 23:36. _Hmm…_ he thought, _well, I don’t technically close until midnight…_ He looked over to see who this late-comer was with the smallest of hopes it might be Juzou. But hovering near the door stood a petite young girl with long dark hair and bright white skin. Reflections of the rain on the windows etched themselves onto the side of her face, illuminating dark brown eyes as wide as the moon. 

“Good evening,” she said, “I hope I’m not too late and you’re still open.” 

“Of course,” Shinohara replied less-than-enthusiastically, disappointed in the stranger it turned out to be. Usually the only people who came in were people who’d been coming regularly since he’d established himself. “How can I help you, Miss?” he asked when she didn’t move from where she stood. 

“I ripped my dress,” she said simply. 

“My condolences,” Shinohara replied, “There’s thread just over there.” He didn’t know if he should get up and show her, but this time she made her way to a section nearby and purused her options. Watching her, Shinohara couldn’t help but notice some similarities between this girl and Juzou. In terms of appearance they were entirely different, but the way she carried herself with oblivious confidence reminded him of Juzou so much. She even had large, borderline creepy eyes, but hers were darker than his. Her long dark hair was paired with a dark dress, contrasting the whiteness of her skin. Though winter had just ended, Shinohara wondered how being this pale was even possible in Australia. 

“Yes?”

_”Yes?”_ Shinohara thought, suddenly realizing that he’d been staring. _Oh, Christ._

“Sorry,” he apologized, sitting up and shaking off grouchy drowsiness, “It’s been a long day.” 

“I can imagine,” she sympathized, crossing the shop again. “How much do I owe you?” she asked, producing a bobbin of red thread. Struck with deja vu, Shinohara was silent for a good ten seconds, letting the quiet solidify into an uncomfortable tension. “Sir..?”

“What’s your name?” he had to ask. This was too familiar. The girl was indifferent, however, not acknowledging Shinohara’s suspiciousness. 

“Suzy Jusic, Sir.” She was very polite and unafraid, giving a stranger both her first and last name. ‘Suzy Jusic’ was not a Japanese name, though, and Shinohara found himself a bit disappointed. But disappointed or otherwise, he still had to conduct his business. 

“Lovely to meet you, Miss Jusic, I’m Shinohara,” he said, forcing the sleepiness out of his voice, “You can take that, if you like, it’s no trouble.” Besides, what was one bobbin of thread to him? 

“Thank you,” she smiled, but she didn’t turn away. Instead she stepped in front of the counter, hoisting herself up to sit next to Shinohara. Once she was comfortable, she located an enormous rip in her dress that Shinohara hadn’t noticed before. It ran from the top of her left thigh to the end of the dress, creating a large slit at the side. “I’ve been meaning to fix this all day,” she mused, fiddling with the top of the rip. 

“What happened?” asked Shinohara, curious as to how accidental that tear was. 

“I fell,” she said nonchalantly, reaching for the bobbin of thread. 

“Need a sewing needle?” he asked, straightening up to get one for her. 

“Yes of course,” she agreed, “I have one, don’t fret.” Suzy set the thread to the side and turned her attention to her right leg. Shinohara watched, but wouldn’t ask what she was doing. Shinohara’s eyes widened as Suzy roughly jerked her leg to the side, making it turn outward in at a very painful looking angle. It unhooked with a soft click, _dislodging her leg entirely!_ “I fell pretty far,” she clarified, noticing Shinohara’s surprise. She pulled off the prosthetic enough to get to a series of slits that circled the thigh just above the knee. With the push of a button hidden at the top of the leg, these slits opened up into several 4cm by 12cm compartments. She reached into one, retrieving a sewing needle, and replaced the leg to it’s proper position. 

“Must’ve hurt,” Shinohara said stupidly, blatantly staring at her prosthetic leg. Suzy was quick to get started, making short work of her mending. 

“It wasn’t so bad actually, and now I don’t need pockets,” she said cheerfully as she stitched up her dress with the professionalism of a surgeon. Soon red, x-shaped stitches held the rip closed. Suzy inspected her work with mixed feelings that showed in her eyes. There was something she didn’t like, but Shinohara couldn’t put his finger on exactly what it was. Though, it seemed like it had something to do with the effect the stitching had on the overall style of the dress. 

“Have you heard of a concept called ‘Kintsukuroi’, Miss Jusic?” Shinohara asked, taking a leap of faith in hopes of making her feel a little better. 

“No,” she replied happily, “and you can call me Suzy, Shinohara, it’s alright.” 

“Alright, Suzy,” he corrected himself.

“What is ‘Kin-su-ko’...” 

“Kin-tsu-ku-ro-i,” Shinohara sounded out, she nodded curiously. “It roughly means ‘golden repair’. In Japan, people would mend broken ceramics, or what have you, with gold. This reminded them that even though the object is broken, it’s still beautiful. Even more so now. The concept works with all things, like bowls, tiles, dresses, even people…” 

_Even though he was broken, he was still beautiful. And the fact that he was able to pick up the pieces makes him that much more._

“That’s lovely, Shinohara,” Suzy mused, thumbing the new seam in her dress. She smiled with a newfound peace. “Thank you very much.”

“My pleasure,” Shinohara said, as she hopped off the counter. “Be safe out there Suzy,” he said when she made for the door. 

“See you soon,” she gave him one last look before walking quietly into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow my tumblr? mylifeisaverageish.tumblr.com


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright everyone! let's all bow down to my dear friend Vane for bringing me back from the dead! without her, this chapter might not have even happened! also a very special thanks to therealmoyashi for inspiring me to come out of my block!

Leaning against the storefront window, Shinohara adjusted the shades so the sun wouldn’t blind anyone. Well, he was about to but the street outside sparked his interest. No special goings on, but the quiet mundanity of small-town bustle was something he’d never quite get used to. Japan is a notoriously busy place and Surry Hills was delightfully small, everyone had room and privacy but still chose to come out of their hiding spots and ask how his day was. People watching is always more fun when there’s space. 

“Shinohara,” Nashiro said, quietly approaching as not to startle him. He pulled his eyes away from the window. His vision blurred with exhausted drag, but they refocused soon enough and gave her his attention. Nashiro stood beside him holding a clipboard, “I was doing inventory and it seems like we’re missing red thread.” He looked confused for a moment, forgetting that he’d hired her and her sister nearly a month ago. He quickly understood, though, and gave him his executive decision. 

“That’s fine,” he dismissed, “it’s not much of a loss.” He turned towards the window once more, enjoying the tranquility of watching people walk by. Nashiro, on the other hand, had something nagging on her mind, and this read on her face. 

“Do you think it was Juzou?” 

“No, a girl came in just before closing and I didn’t have the heart to make her pay. She’d ripped her dress.” 

“A girl? Was it Melody?”

“No, she wasn’t anyone we know in town. I figured you might know her from the university.” 

“Oh? what did she look like?” 

Shinohara’s eyes squinted, creasing at the edges as he recalled her, “She was a small, pale girl with dark hair and dark eyes. She even had a prosthetic leg…” 

“You mean her?” Kurona interjected, standing at the window and looking out. She tapped the glass in the direction of a coffeeshoppe directly across the street. Without thinking, Shinohara turned back to the window, looking in the direction Kurona pointed in. He saw a stern looking blonde sipping something out of a white mug. She’d braided the sides of her hair out of her face, joining the ends at the back of her head. Though she didn’t look the least bit friendly, she wasn’t sitting alone, and sitting beside her was Suzy Jusic. 

“That’s her,” Shinohara mused wistfully. She was telling the blonde a particularly exciting story using exaggerated hand motions and faces. The other girl seemed politely disinterested, but Suzy was too engrossed in her story to spare her the finer details. Like last night, she wore a black dress that complimented her hair and skin. In the full daytime light, Shinohara could tell her left leg looked slightly different than her right, but the top of the prosthetic was easily covered with the dress she wore. 

“She’s so pretty,” Nashiro observed, coming to stand beside Shinohara and her sister. 

“You’re right, she is,” Shinohara agreed quietly, watching as Suzy reached the climax of her story. Kurona and Nashiro exchanged an understanding, mischievous look before smirking and turning their attention to Shinohara. 

““What’s her name, Shinohara?”” both twins asked in unison, deciding that if he knew her name they could continue their hastily made plan. Oblivious as always, Shinohara responded without much caution. 

“Jusic, I believe. Suzy Jusic.” 

Without warning, the two girls combined their strength to push Shinohara out of the front door, ignoring his surprised grunt. Thank god the door was already propped open. Kurona held him back as Nashiro kicked the doorstop away. Allowing Kurona to swiftly dart into the shop, Nashiro locked the door, trapping Shinohara outside. 

“Go talk to her, Shinohara-san!”

“She seems nice!”

“And super cute!”

“Girls! Let me in, this is ridiculous!” Shinohara knocked enthusiastically at the door, but stayed quiet enough as to not attract attention. Nashiro and Kurona watched him struggle from the window, snickering to each other. When it became clear that neither twin would open the door, Shinohara patted his pockets in search of his keys. But he didn’t have them, they must be on the counter. “What happens when customers wish to enter?” Shinohara grumbled. 

“They’d probably agree with us, Shinohara.” Kurona derailed his argument altogether. 

“You really need to get out more. Just give it a try!” Nashiro was a bit more gentle with him, but still wouldn’t open the door. Shinohara sighed frustratedly, stubbornly crossing his arms. 

“One of you, please let me in. This is nonsense, and you know it. This is your final--”

“Shinohara!” 

Turning slowly, trying to hide his embarrassed horror, Shinohara located the owner of the voice that called out to him, identifying her as Suzy Jusic. The blonde beside her looked angrily embarrassed as well, disliking the attention drawn in her direction. But Suzy’s gentle smile was enough to keep her from making any angry comments. 

“Come here!” she laughed, her voice splitting into thousands of pieces, all likely to become fairies. Her laughter was so familiar, yet Shinohara couldn’t put a finger on the last time he’d heard it. Before he knew it he was halfway across the street, on his way to the coffeeshoppe. Kurona and Nashiro quietly unlocked the door, thinking it was safe to say it was too late for him to avoid her. “Good afternoon,” she greeted with a big, friendly smile. The other girl sat quietly, sipping what Shinohara could see was green tea. 

“A lovely day,” Shinohara replied, standing awkwardly over them. 

“It really is,” she agreed. She patted an empty chair beside her, urging him to sit. “This is my friend, Akira,” she introduced the other girl with a mouthful of some sort of strawberry pastry, “Akira, this is Shinohara. He owns the convenient shop just over there.” 

“Nice to meet you,” Shinohara said once fully seated, holding out a hand for her to shake. 

“Charmed.” Akira gave him a single, firm shake before turning to face her friend, “Suzy, I really should be getting back to work. I’ve wasted enough time as it is.” She stood from her seat, ignoring Suzy’s saddened frown. 

“But we were meant to go to the zoo today,” she protested, “I wanted to see the giraffes.” Shinohara watched awkwardly as Suzy’s disappointment created a dark cloud over her head. She must’ve been really excited.

“I’m sorry, but there’s too much to do.” she sighed, slinging her bag over her shoulder, “Another time, perhaps--”

“Akira! You promised!” Suzy whined, her small shoulders curving inward. 

“I’ll take you,” Shinohara volunteered suddenly, feeling Suzy’s disappointment start to make him sad. She wasn’t the type of girl you wanted to see any less than happy. Surprisingly, the first to react was Akira, who breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Thank you, Shinohara,” she said, “I’m sorry, Suzy but I really should be going. Have fun, okay?” Suzy sulked at the loss of her friend, waving as she took her leave. Once Akira was out of earshot, she propped her head up with her left hand, her right dipping its fingers into a dollop of whipped cream as she looked in the direction Akira had left in. 

“She works too hard,” she complained, her dark hair falling into her eyes. 

“What does she do? She’s so young,” Shinohara asked, sensing a deeply responsible air about Akira that Suzy might not understand. 

“I think she’s in training to become some sort of detective,” she answered, sticking her index finger into her mouth. She sat up, brushing her hair out of her eyes and smiling, no doubt deciding not to dwell on the sadder things. Seeing her perk up helped Shinohara relax. He’d worried that he’d accidentally walked into something he didn’t belong in. “Hi,” she said, restarting the conversation.

“Hello again,” Shinohara parroted, watching as she plucked a strawberry free from the pastry. She brought it up to her lips before realizing she was being watched.

“Do you want some?” she asked brightly, offering up the strawberry, “This is an amazing shop, everything is delicious!” Her eyes brimmed with excitable happiness, creasing at the edges yet still as youthful as ever. 

“I think I’ll pass, but surely another time,” Shinohara replied with his own kind smile.

“Suit yourself, more for me!” She laughed again, so sweetly even the strangers at the other tables had to laugh with her. In the strawberry went, disappearing between her lips with a contented hum. 

“When were you expecting to go to the zoo?” Shinohara asked, catching her as she was bringing a spoonful of tart to her lips, “It’ll take about a half hour to get there on foot.” Slowly, she returned the spoon to her plate, turning to face him with her eyes swimming in hopeful disbelief. 

“You would do that for me?” she asked, her hands coming up to protect her face. 

“It’s no trouble,” he put her at ease, waving the air as if his kindness to her wasn’t a big deal, “Actually, two of my employees locked me out. A bit of a forced day off, if you will. A trip to the zoo sounds lovely.” Shinohara squeezed out of his chair, standing at full height and held out a hand for his new friend to take. “Shall we go?” he asked with a smile.

In a blur of motion, the girl leapt gracefully from her chair and wrapped her thin arms around his middle, squealing delightfully as she’d still get to go to the zoo with her new favourite person. “Thank you, thank you! I’ve always wanted to go to the zoo!” She babbled happily, squeezing Shinohara’s waist with almost childlike strength. 

..

Meanwhile, back in the shop, the two employees in question had their faces pressed to the window, watching the whole scene like their favourite tv show. They sighed as they witnessed Suzy wrap her thin arms around their boss, squeezing him tightly as she thanked him profusely. They watched closely as Shinohara pointing to his shop and saying something to her. She nodded, following him across the street. 

Suddenly, Suzy stopped, standing awkwardly on the pavement when she caught sight of the two flies watching her from their wall. The girl’s delighted, smiling sank into a confused frown, making her head tilt to the side. Shinohara, sensing her discomfort, stopped himself and hummed questioningly in her direction. “They’re staring at me, Shinohara,” Suzy said in a small voice that penetrated the glass of the window. Her happiness froze into apparent self-consciousness as she stood awkwardly on the pavement just outside. Shinohara peered through the window, realizing it was Kurona and Nashiro, but never once did their gaze falter. They stood perfectly still, eyes narrowing as she focused on the girl’s face, all the signs coming together in their minds as their attention connected with Suzy’s. 

_No way…_

_I can’t believe it…_

“Nashiro. Kurona,” a firm voice called from the door, “What’s come over you?” Finally snapped out of their trance-like concentration, they turned to Shinohara, who looked displeased. He towered over them, embodying stern, almost fatherly disappointment. 

““Back so soon?”” the two of them asked simultaneously.

“Why isn’t she coming in too?”

“I wanted to meet her.”

“That’s kinda rude don’t you think?”

“Don’t come to me about rudeness when the two of you have been glaring at that poor girl since you locked me out of my own shop,” Shinohara reprimanded, crossing his arms and speaking down at them. He turned away after a moment of stunned silence. Identical jaws dropped and the unfamiliar steel edge in Shinohara’s voice, having never grown accustomed to an angry Shinohara because it was so rare for him to get this upset at them. Nashiro shrank, wilting like a flower in the rain, feeling ashamed in herself for making someone uncomfortable, even if that person was _very_ familiar. 

But Kurona reacted defensively, “Are you blind?” she scoffed, wrapping a comforting arm around her sister only to be irritated more as Shinohara pawed about the counter and completely ignoring her. 

“Have you seen my keys?” he asked, disappearing behind the counter as he bent to search the floor. Kurona grumbled deep in her throat, shooting a look at her sister. But the look in Nashiro’s eyes calmed the storm in Kurona’s mind threatening to give life to her kakugan. Pulling away from her sister’s protection, Nashiro approached a bustling Shinohara and called his attention by whispering his name.

“Shinohara… don’t you recognize him?” Shinohara stood, scraping his jaw in confusion and mumbling to himself about his keys. Nashiro cleared her throat, making a stern noise that made him nod his apologies and make full eye contact. She sighed glancing at the window before beckoning him closer. “That girl, Suzy? She’s really--” 

“It’s so hot outside~” The bells affixed to the doorframe chimed the arrival of another guest.

“Girls, this is Suzy.” Shinohara said instantly when he saw the dark haired girl standing right in front of the entrance door with her pale arms above her head, as if she was stretching-out.

“But--” Nashiro protested against the lack of interest in what she had to. She didn't exactly understand why today, of all the times, he ignored her. Maybe Shinohara already knew who Suzy really was, maybe he was just denying it to himself, ignoring the fact. 

“Can we go now~ I don’t want it to close!” Suzy protested, a pouty frown forming in her face. Shinohara let out a small puff of laughter at her childishness, smiling so widely his eyes slipped shut for a split second, completely missing the warning look Suzy shot at his twin employees.

"“Where are you going?”" Both twins sang in unison before looking back and forth between Shinohara and then to Suzy, over and over, the two of them curious about where they could be heading.

“To the zoo,” Shinohara answered, “You two can handle the place since you’re confident enough to lock me out. Kurona, are my keys even _back_ here?” Shinohara asked with a firm tone in his voice. The twins could tell he wasn't furious, but he was indeed displeased with them for what they did earlier. They couldn’t help but assume he was also a bit frustrated in his forgetfulness too. 

“Yeah, right there,” Kurona slipped in next to where Shinohara was searching and got the keys from under the counter, on the hook where they belonged. “Right where they always are, Shinohara.” she spat, rolling her eyes. He sighed, thanking her and stepping out from behind the counter.

“Wait, but she’s--” Nashiro tried to retake the topic from before but quieted abruptly as she saw Suzy’s eyes grow wide and blood drain from her face as she shook her head slowly.

"Ohhhhh…" The twin murmured in a tone of realization, she finally understood.

“She’s what, Nashiro?” Shinohara asked looking back at her with a concerned look. Nashiro was never this excited over anything, and though he was anxious to leave, Shinohara noticed. Suzy grew ever more pale than she was before when she heard those words come out of his mouth, fearing of what Nashiro would say.

“She’s…” Nashiro started, watching Suzy’s pupils shrink to pins. She made up her mind, “She’s very pretty, Shinohara. Very pretty indeed.” Nashiro answered him, of course it was a lie. Suzy was lovely and no one could tell otherwise, but that's not what Nashiro had intended to say. She could see all of Suzy's muscles relax and her tensed-up expression do the same.

Shinohara smiled slightly and immediately changed the subject. "So, should we go, Suzy?" the man asked, approaching the girl as she stood beside the door. 

"Sure!" She replied excitedly. Shinohara waved to the twins, Kurona using every ounce of her strength to look natural, though she really wanted to rush her sister and demand to know what had just happened. Nashiro gave one last meaningful look to Suzy as she mouthed a 'thank you' as she left the store, on Shinohara’s arm, and closed the door behind her.


	7. Chapter 7

The wind grasped the hem of her dress, lifting it away from her frame and sweeping her hair from her eyes. Thin fingers held her tightly to the fence as she stepped onto it, her feet resting on the bottom rung, as she stared, fascinated, at the giraffes. Her eyes traced over their tall necks and long, purple tongues as they wandered over to a handsome zoo-keeper that had spotted the young girl. He tried to impress her by feeding the great beasts slices of bread, only grimacing a little bit when their tongues wrapped around his hand, pulling away the bread and leaving him with an armful of viscous saliva.

“Shinohara, did you see that!?” she cried, turning back to Shinohara who had taken a seat on a bench nearby like a tired parent. She flashed him a dazzling smile, “That one almost _ate_ that guy!” Shinohara hummed, standing heavily on his feet before joining her by the fence and watching the zoo-keeper feed the giraffes.

“I don't think giraffes eat people, Suzy,” he suggested, admiring the trademark patterns all over their bodies. He wondered, who decided on nature’s textiles? Who thought of the giraffe's almost checkered skin? The zebra's stripes? The chameleon's colour-changing abilities? Maybe he should've become a zoologist.

Suzy reached around to hug tightly to his arm, rubbing her cheek into his shoulder, “Not like the lions do, right? Lions eat people and giraffes eat leaves.” She looked up at him with wide, curious eyes. 

“That sounds right,” he approved with a smile, she smiled too before turning back to the giraffes. The two of them watched as they stretched their long necks up and into the acacia trees, their tongues skillfully avoiding the long thorns that covered the tree and nabbing the greenest leaves at the top. Suzy was completely engrossed when Shinohara glanced down at her. 

“Sugoi desu...”

“Hmm?” Shinohara easily recognized his mother language. It surprised him, the fact that she seemed to know exactly what she was saying. “You speak Japanese?” 

“Uh--um…” Suzy stuttered, wiggling out of their embrace to stand alone. “I--I…” she seemed to struggle for an answer, shoving her hair out of her face and casting her eyes down. Shinohara, now a little confused, examined the subtle crease at the edge of her eyes, the curve of her nose, the softness of her jaw.

“ _Are_ you Japanese?” he asked, seeing her face start to resemble someone he knew. Sure her eyes were darker, her hair was long and black, but there was something so strikingly _familiar_ about her, especially since he could identify her as Japanese. “You wouldn’t happen to have a brother, perhaps?”

“Um, no…” she answered quietly. She nervously twisted a lock of her hair around her index finger, pulling it so tight it turned red and visibly began to throb. The almost invisible tremors that wracked her frame did set off another wave of deja vu, but Shinohara remained guiltily quiet. He watched as Suzy straightened her back, giving her finger some relief by pulling it out of her hair and resting both hands on the fence with a sigh. “Let’s just… talk about something else.”

“I’m sorry, Suzy, I didn’t mean to--”

“No it’s fine, you didn’t know.” She excused, but the weight of whatever was on her mind sagged her shoulders, dulled the sparkles in her eyes. Shinohara stood to the side, puzzled by her sharp mood change.

 _She doesn’t seem to like being Japanese..? Or maybe I brought up something she’s trying to forget..?_

The tallest of the giraffes plodded over to the fence, her dark eyes set on Suzy and Shinohara. She bent her long neck down to give Suzy a hard lick from her collarbone to her temple, soaking the girl's skin and hair in fibrous saliva with her dark tongue before returning to her full height and going after some leaves on the trees. Suzy gasped, face frozen in shock. Shinohara stood shocked as well, half expecting the girl to cry, scream, pitch a fit. But as she turned slowly to face him, she started to laugh.

“Oh, gross!” Suzy squealed with a smile on her face as she peeled her bangs away from her eyes. “Ew it’s in my hair!” She squeezed her eyes shut in a grimace, yet her playful happiness shined through, lightening the mood once more. Seeing that she was no longer upset, Shinohara relaxed with huffs of his own uneasy laughter. 

“Okay, I think that’s enough for you for today,” he chuckled as she hopped down off the fence. She groaned, pacing to a bench to sit down. Giving the button in her prosthetic a tap, she reached into one of the compartments and pulled out a hair tie.

_She’s very resourceful,_ Shinohara thought as he watched. She seemed to get more and more impressive by the minute. 

“Walk me to the train station?” she asked, sweeping her hair into a ponytail. She slicked back as much of it as she could, tying it up at the top of her head. Even with her hair up it still reached down to between her shoulderblades. She looked up at him expectantly as she fished out a clip to pin up her spit-soaked bangs. 

_Just like him. She even uses red hairpins._

“Of course, it’s on my way home anyway,” Shinohara replied. Especially with her hair out of her face, there was no denying that she was very lovely. The way she moved was so graceful, even with a prosthetic leg. There was something about her that made Shinohara want the world for her. Her happiness suddenly became very important to him. But why? Was it that he actually cared for a girl half his age? Or maybe he felt guilty for being unable to make Juzou happy? Maybe he’d never know, but for now he was certain of this. 

Once her right leg was on and stable, she stood to leave, smiling as she went. “Ready to go, Shinohara?” she asked cheerfully. 

“Let’s go.” Suzy waved her goodbyes to the giraffes, accidentally catching the eye of that zookeeper. He waved back, assuming she’d been meaning it for him, but she paid no mind. Why ruin his day by correcting him? 

.. 

The two of them walked side by side through the streets of outer-Sydney. Suzy carried on happily about different things she noticed, from a strange looking cloud to a big pink hat on a passer by. The day was still warm as the sun began it’s run for the hills. The rabble-rousers and working dads made their way to their respective pubs to get the night started, but Shinohara walked at a leisurely pace, watching as Suzy drifted off after something she saw. She raised her hands slowly, looking intently at something just before her. In an instant she clapped her hands together, pulling them down to take a peep inside. A small, greenish yellow glow made her smile triumphantly; a firefly. She let it go, waving goodbye and rejoined Shinohara that much happier. 

The giraffe drool in her hair had dried, leaving thready white fibers that looked like spiderwebs woven into her bangs. Occasionally, she unpinned them to pull out all the fibers, making disgusted faces as she went, but quickly gave up and waited until she got home to wash it out. Shinohara merely observed silently, his hands in his pockets as they walked to the train station. 

“Shinohara?” Suzy piped up after a bout of comfortable silence,“Can I hold your hand?” Her smile had sunk, she was serious. Without giving it a second thought, he held out his hand. Her eyes widened as she smiled her thanks. Her hand was so pale in his, so small and soft in comparison. His were tanned by the Australian sun, calloused by the hard work he’s done with them. 

All in all, she herself was small in soft compared to him. Though she was very slight, he could see her muscles concealed an agile strength. They only provided enough force to move with the wind and little else. He wondered how such dark hair could grow from the head of someone so pale. It certainly wasn’t a wig, but such stark and beautiful contrast couldn’t be natural. The lively red of her lips and ruddy cheeks were the only signs that she was human and not some supernaturally ethereal creature. 

“Hmm…?" 

“Oh, it’s nothing.” _Jeez, I’ve been staring again._

“You always look at me like that,” she asked curiously, holding his hand tightly in hers. “What does it mean?” 

“You just remind me of someone, that’s all.” Shinohara replied sincerely with a small smile on his face. He thought about that wild white-haired boy that he’d met so long ago, remembering the way he used to smile and move. He’d decided that Suzy resembled him a lot in that way and in her features. But that could be because most youthful Japanese people act and look the same. Or maybe he simply missed Juzou. 

“Tell me about them.” Suzy replied curiously, scanning the older man with her dark eyes. Shinohara sighed, looking ahead as he remembered how he’d first came across Juzou Suzuya. 

“I really just happened upon him. He was robbing my shop.” He laughed to himself, shaking his head at the whole scenario. “Second time I saw him he gave me a pretty good slice,” he added patting his shoulder. He’d long removed the sutures but a thin white scar helped him remember. 

“What!? No way!” Suzy said taking both of his hands to her cheeks and letting a gasp escape from between her lips. She looked interested in the story, paying close attention to every word Shinohara had to say. 

“Ah, but he wasn’t a bad kid. He just needed some guidance. Pretty soon after that he was working in the shop and staying with me at my flat. The customers loved him, he was always helpful and cheerful when they needed it most. They were devastated when he disappeared.” Shinohara trailed off with sadness in his voice, drifting his eyes away from Suzy’s and looking nowhere in particular as they kept walking. A minute of awkward silence came and went before the girl beside him spoke again. 

“What happened to him?” she asked. Her voice distant and more serious than it was before, looking down at the street beneath her feet with a blank expression on her face. 

“There were a lot of things he didn’t understand,” Shinohara responded, taking his hand to his neck and slowly scratching away some of the tension he felt when he talked about what had happened. “I should’ve known that, but I overreacted and said some things I should not have said. He doesn’t feel pain the same as you and I, you see. And I upset him so much that I think I might have triggered some of that pain. I looked for him every day, but he’s… he’s long gone.” 

“Do you miss him?” 

Shinohara looked over to her, seeing that she was paying absolute attention. Most people had grown tired of his going on about Juzou. But she saw that he weighed on his mind. He didn’t think twice about her question and answered without hesitating. 

“Every day.” he said. It made him feel relieved, like some burden had been lifted from his shoulders. He didn’t know exactly why. He thought maybe it was because he finally told someone about Juzou in full, about how he feels and about missing him, because he truly did. No one ever listened long enough for Shinohara to even begin to mention how sorry he is, or how much he missed him. 

They approached the train station, brightly lit to counter the dwindling sun. Tens of people rushed around, running to meetings or moseying home. The trains ran just about anywhere. They’d take Suzy to her next destination, and she and Shinohara would part ways once more. 

“Shinohara?” Suzy asked in a sweet voice, rubbing softly over the back of his hand with her thumb. 

“Yes Suzy?” he replied, looking down at her. 

“Let’s do this again,” She smiled hopefully, shifting her weight from her real leg to her false one almost nervously, like she thought he’d say no. 

“I’d like that very much,” he replied easily, giving her had a reassuring squeeze, “You know where to find me.” He waved goodbye as she hurried to the platform, bouncing on her heels as she went. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so so so sorry for the wait!!!!!!

After their outing to the zoo, Shinohara found Suzy cropping up in his day to day life more and more often. When they weren’t chatting the day away in the shop, much to Kurona’s annoyance, they were strolling through parks, frequenting the coffeeshoppe, revisiting the zoo. They talked about everything and nothing, got to know each other without delving into their pasts too much. Suzy seemed to like it like that. The easiness of unimportant chatter seemed to be what she liked most about Shinohara, and he loved to listen to every little observation she made about things she found interesting. 

They wiled away weeks at a time discussing the fact that there are no active volcanoes in Australia. It’s just about the only thing that _won’t_ kill you here. They found it interesting that Australia was not only it’s own country, but it’s own continent as well, yet played a laid back role in the grand scheme of things.

Nashiro had taken quite the liking to Suzy. It wasn’t uncommon to find the two of them ogling boys that appealed to them from the shop window or giving each other book recommendations. Suzy admitted to not being the best of readers, but she was willing to learn and Nashiro was willing to teach her. 

Every once in awhile a customer would drift in to escape the heat. It was unbearable days like this when Shinohara offered water for free, allowing anyone who walked in to stay hydrated. Today, Nashiro and Kurona had a meeting at the university, and were only available for work in the afternoon. Shinohara didn’t mind a bit, merely glad the girls were taking the time to do well in their studies. And he wouldn’t be lonely with Suzy stopping in almost every day. Even now, she sat on the counter, catching the drips of her fast-melting ice cream with her swift tongue. 

“Meh, it’s getting everywhere~” she complained, “it’s all over my hands.” Shinohara chuckled to himself as he brought yet another case of water out from the stockroom. 

“Just do your best not to destroy my countertop, alright?” he sighed, watching her as she struggled with her ice cream. She sat on the countertop in Juuzou’s little corner, her ankles crossed. Every time she jumped up there, Shinohara felt guilty, like she was encroaching on Juuzou’s personal area. But each day that went by without an appearance from him was a day that Suzy was actually there. Who knew Juuzou could be so elusive… and could Shinohara even blame him?

Suzy had decided to take a break from her ice cream. A tradition of the parlor she’d gotten it from was to provide their customers with cups, in case finishing an entire cone at once proved too inconvenient. She sighed through a relieved smile as she left her ice cream cone sitting upside down. She stretched her hand, relieving the ache of holding onto something for an extended period of time, and decided she was going to braid her hair. 

Shinohara caught sight of her as she set to work, effortlessly weaving silken strands of hair together and securing the end with a hair tie. Watching the process proved unbelievably fascinating to Shinohara, as did every little thing she did. _She_ proved unbelievably fascinating. Even the face she made, concentrated but still calm and content. But this was only scraping the surface of what interested Shinohara. For instance, there wasn’t a day that went by where she wasn’t wearing a little black sun dress. It was almost like black sun dresses were the only thing she owned. But they complimented her frame so nicely, that those who knew her never thought to questioned it. And even if they did, she’d still be--

“Shinohara..?” It took a moment for Shinohara’s shame to catch up with him. He’d been staring again. Suzy stared back with wide, unreadable eyes, sitting frozen in her place. Neither moved for a long moment. And when Shinohara’s arms started to feel the strain of fifty water bottles, she finally spoke. “Come over here for a second.” 

He abandoned the water in the middle of the second aisle with a dull thud. Someone would probably trip on it, but the store was empty for now. A question perched itself at the forefront of Suzy’s mind, making her give up on her braid for the time being. Long, glossy strands slowly unwound themselves from each other’s grasp and fell loose to frame her face. Even with the weight her request carried, she still smiled ever so slightly, staring at him with dreamy eyes. Shinohara took his seat behind the counter, ready to immerse himself in more conversation with her. “What is it?” 

“Are you seeing anyone?” she asked right off the bat without any sort of hesitation. Shinohara’s eyes widened. 

“Wait, what?”

“It’s just that I’m here a lot and you never seem to go out or do anything unless it’s with me.” She had a good point, and knew it too. She sat up straight, waiting patiently for an answer while Shinohara drowned in possible excuses. He shrugged, gaping like a fish out of water, but she still waited politely. He sighed after a while, settling for the truth.

“No, I’m not seeing anyone. I think that part of my life is over.”

“Why?” 

Another difficult question. Shinohara closed his eyes, inhaling sharply through his nose to regain some composure. Suzy wasn’t usually one to ask terribly personal questions, or maybe she didn’t know how personal they were. But thinking of his late wife for even a moment still made Shinohara sad enough to grow quiet for the rest of the day.

“I was married to the only woman I’ll ever love,” he replied, “She passed away almost two years ago.” Suzy was silent and still for a long moment, gazing up at him with suddenly blank, dark eyes. After a moment of silence, Shinohara opened his eyes, slightly startled by a small hand nudging his. He saw that Suzy’s face had fallen and the invitation to hold her hand was her attempt at an apology for opening old wounds. 

“Wait, but don’t you love _me?_ ” Her eyebrows knit together, suddenly concerned, “A-And Nashiro and Kurona too?” her eyes drifted downward, looking slightly abashed for some reason Shinohara failed to grasp. He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, happy enough to smile again.

“You’re right, I do love all three of you,” she grinned, eyes sparkling, “but that’s different.” She scrunched up her nose.

“I don’t get it.”

“You will when you’re older,” Shinohara dismissed. 

A working man carrying his jacket set off the doorbells. He groaned when he finally freed himself from the fiery arms of Australian summer. Shinohara quickly remembered the water sitting in the middle of the floor, breaking his hold on Suzy’s hand to rush over and get this man some water before he keeled over. 

Now it was Suzy’s turn to watch Shinohara float a bottle of water to this man as she went over what he said in her mind. _You will when you’re older_? What is so different between her concept of love and his? A little concentrated crease folded the paper white skin between her eyebrows. She crossed her good leg over her prosthetic, resting her head in her hand as she thought and stared at the floor. That is until, a burly, sweat-slick face called her attention.

“Well, you’re a pretty little thing, aren’t you.” The man with the jacket stood before her, holding a half-empty water bottle and letting his eyes trace slowly over her with a gross smile. Suzy gasped, her left ankle slipping off her prosthetic leg. Her spine straightened as she stared intently at this stranger with her eerily wide, frightened eyes. “Did I surprise you, little one?” the man asked. There was something about these working men, no matter where you are in the world, they all act the same; vulgar. 

Suzy whimpered, gripping the edge of the counter tightly as a confident hand pushed it’s way up her skirt to rest at the top of her right thigh. “I’m just trying to be friendly,” the man said, “what’s your name? Isn’t it a little hot out for a black dress?” She scoffed, rolling her eyes and moving to put her feet on the ground. The man’s smug smile soured into a rejected frown, his hand tightening up on her thigh and unwittingly pressing the button that dislodges her prosthetic. She gasped again, squirming in her place ever so slightly.

“I hope you’re being respectful to that ‘pretty little thing’.” A firm hand planted itself on the man’s shoulder, accompanied by a deep, threatening voice. The man swallowed his pride, turning slowly to face a silently furious Shinohara whose usually pleasant demeanor had disappeared. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” Shinohara said, as polite as ever despite his mood, “This is simply not how we treat one another in my shop. Now what do you have to say?”

The low, almost inaudible growl that ended Shinohara’s speech startled the man, made him rip his hand away from Suzy’s leg. But the small twist of his wrist was enough to pull the leg free. Eyes growing impossibly bigger and more frightened, Suzy watched as her secret was revealed in the worst kind of way. In front of this stranger she’d never see again, her prosthetic leg slipped off the counter, hitting the ground with a loud, thudding clatter that a real human limb would never make. 

She stopped breathing, Shinohara was sure of it. Her bottom lip trembled just the smallest bit but no breaths were even attempted. She stared into the eyes of the stranger who stood perfectly still. Suzy’s face, though still as lovely as ever, was so shocked and so vulnerable, Shinohara had to break the silence that made everything worse. 

“Suzy--” he started. But the man with the jacket was quick to interrupt.

“Fucking Freak!” he yelled into her face, eyes darting back and forth between her face and the prosthetic leg that laid on the ground, contorted painfully. The man, now nose to nose with the poor girl, growled, “ugly, disfigured little bitch,” straight at her, then pulled away. The man clutched to his jacket, glaring hard at her, then pushed past Shinohara and exited the shop. 

_Oh my gosh…_

The shock on Suzy’s face had faded away. Her eyelids relaxed, lidding themselves over the very tops of her irises, keeping her eyes wide, yet serene. She stared blankly straight ahead, not speaking, not even moving save the light tremors that traveled up and down her spine. A flush crossed her cheeks, rimming her eyes and colouring them an irritated pink. But no tears came.

Shinohara was speechless, staring back at her just as blankly. The buzz of the fluorescent lights was all that filled the silence. With a nervous sweat beginning to gather over the nape of his neck, Shinohara bend his knees, slowly bringing himself lower and lower. With both eyes trained ahead, watching the girl atop his counter, he reached for the prosthetic. Catching it by the heel of it’s foot gained a small reaction from Suzy, she gasped at the sound of her leg dragging across the floor. Shinohara froze, watching Suzy for disapproval. After a few long moments he’d retrieved the fallen leg, holding it by the thigh. 

Suzy’s eyes never moved. They didn’t follow him as Shinohara knelt down. They didn’t meet his gaze when he stood back up. They stared at nothing and everything in a daze as she tried to internalize the break down that must’ve been eating her alive. 

“I’m so sorry,” Shinohara apologized quietly, “I’m so sorry about all that. You didn’t--”

“It’s over. I don’t care.” Suzy’s voice had gotten deeper, quieter, much more sullen. It surprised Shinohara, and the guilt he felt in place of the stranger grew in intensity. 

Diverting his eyes, he watched the floor as he lifted the metal ridge at the end of the dislocated prosthetic to the rim secured to what remained of her right leg. With minimal finagling, keeping his eyes away from her thighs out of guilty respect, he managed to secure her prosthetic. With all the care in the world, he took the hem of her sun dress between his fingers and smoothed it over her leg until her appearance was as back to normal as it could be. 

“There,” he mused, pushing the heels of his hands into his knees to force himself to a standing position. He huffed a strong grunt before standing at full height and casting his eyes downward at the girl on the counter. He hesitated a moment, as she still seemed to be visibly stiff, but smiled warmly and with confidence he hoped would pervade through her steely coping mechanism. “You look lovely.” 

“You’re just saying that because that man said I wasn’t.” She spoke frankly, so blunt and matter-of-fact that it actually dulled her usually musically cheerful voice. 

“Why do you say that?” Shinohara asked, rather taken aback by her sudden mood change. Nothing would’ve made him think of her as the type to simply reject a compliment. 

Suzy shrugged, “I don’t care about that man,” she said in the same deepened voice, “I don’t wake up and get dressed in the morning for that man. I don’t try to be pretty for that man because I couldn’t possibly care less about him.” Wide auburn eyes looked certain and nonchalant, as if playing off the whole situation. She simply chose not to recognize the seriousness of what just happened, or maybe she didn’t notice it. But Shinohara certainly did. And even if Suzy was content with repression, he wouldn’t let her believe that he didn’t genuinely believe in her beauty. 

“Well, _I_ think you’re very lovely,” he insisted firmly, “Suzy, I don’t care about that man either. What I care about is that he made you think less of yourself and I wanted to assure you that you’re a very lovely girl, regardless of your leg. I wanted to make you feel better because I don’t want you to doubt yourself. Not because I care about some guy who wanders into my shop and harrasses people.” 

Though he wasn’t exactly able to pinpoint what caught her attention, by the end of his statement, Suzy had become her old self, staring up at him with slightly surprised, starry eyes. Shinohara affirmed his opinions with a warm smile, thankful that he’d managed to restore her cheeriness.

“...Do you really mean that?” Suzy asked. She lowered her gaze to her tiny black shoes. “Do you really think I’m pretty?” 

“Well, yes,” Shinohara responded softly, trying to convince Suzy he really meant what he had said. And there it was, her wide smile, showing all her teeth while she stared at her shoes.

“I do it for you, Shinohara. It takes a long time to get ready in the mornings but it’s worth it if you think I’m pretty,” the girl admitted, a light shade of red painting both of her cheeks, “I-- uh… Come here,” she beckoned.

Her thighs parted to make room for Shinohara to stand between them. Her hands came down between them, gripping the edge of the counter. Suzy looked expectant and more than a little shy. The edge of her teeth caught her bottom lip as her eyes skittered away from a very confused Shinohara, who stood silently for a moment. 

He suddenly noticed quite a lot about her; how her spine curved when she shrugged her shoulders, the little dimple that appeared on her left cheek when she smiled ever so slightly at him, she even stole a glance at her forgotten ice cream as if her attention span shortened with the weather. And for a moment, this was all very lovely, she was lovely, and all he needed to do for this lovely little thing was give her what she wanted. And what was it she wanted?

“I want to kiss you.”

Two heavy steps brought them together, and Suzy's hands came up to fold around Shinohara's shoulders. She gasped at the hands that closed around her waist, holding her tight. Such a crazy grip for such a gentle person, it almost seemed conflicted in itself. Shinohara apologized almost silently, loosening his grip on her waist. It seemed as though this was as far as he was willing to initiate, not that Suzy particularly minded. 

She smiled, pressed herself as close to him as possible. She traced the scruff across his cheekbones, coaxing him to look directly at her. And in the moment that he finally did, she pressed a tiny, chaste kiss to his lips, lingering long enough for him to taste the sugariness of her ice cream and the artificial strawberry of her lipgloss. But one little taste proved insufficient for Shinohara, and he unconsciously returned what was supposed to be a sparing little peck a little more willingly than his better half would allow. A little surprised mew, barely audible to either, whispered from Suzy’s throat, startling Shinohara and making him realize where he was.

“I’m sorry.” Shinohara muttered, pulling out of her embrace. He might have even pushed her away a little.

“Wait--” Suzy pled but Shinohara quickly interrupted her.

“I have to be honest with you,” he said uneasily, “I think this whole time I’ve been trying to replace someone very important to me. You’re a wonderful girl, Suzy, but you remind me so much of someone I need to find.” Shinohara did his best to organize his feelings so they would come out as words. He didn't want what they had going on, whatever it was, to be ruined. He enjoyed the girl's presence a lot. But there was no way he could let this go on. It wasn’t fair. 

The bells affixed to the door chimed an end to their privacy. Shinohara stepped backward in a hurry to put an appropriate amount of space between them. He gave her an apologetic look before turning away and heading down the aisles to retrieve the forgotten box of water. Suzy was understandably shocked, left to sit alone on the counter and watch Shinohara return to work like nothing ever happened. 

“Good Evening!!” a pair of twin voices sang, Nashiro and Kurona had returned from their meeting. But their smiles sank to worried frowns as the tension in the room, so thick one could cut it with a knife, almost made the room seem even hotter than it already was. 

Nashiro was the first to step forward, spurred forward by the quiet whispering of a very distressed Suzy who hid from their eyes behind her bangs. “Why…” she asked the air, mostly to herself, “What did I do wrong?” 

“Suzy, are you okay?” Nashiro asked cautiously, putting her hand on her shoulder. She stared at the floor, digging her fingers into the edge of the counter until her knuckles paled further than she already was. She shook her head, her hair falling into her eyes as if she would cry, like a steam heat in her head was condensing quickly into inevitable tears. 

“Tell us what’s wrong,” Kurona had joined her friend and sister, eyeing Shinohara worriedly. Silent questions and guilty shrugs passed through the air as Nashiro attempted to coo and shush Suzy to calmness. 

“Setsumei.” 

In a voice much lower and gruffer than her usual tone, Suzy quite suddenly growled in a language everyone in the little shop knew, but no one expected. The twins took a synchronized step back, both pairs of hands flying up towards their faces in surrender. Shinohara had abandoned the water in favor of staring. 

_Explain...? Explain what…?_

“Suzy--”

“Why am I never good enough?!”

Suzy Jusic, in all of her elegance and lightheartedness, jumped down from the countertop, landing heavily on her feet. Her dolly face with big eyes, ruddy cheeks, and red lips, twisted into something angry, aggressive, and so unlike her. She growled low in her throat with every panted exhale like a cornered dog. And now, in this moment, she bore an uncanny resemblance to...

_Juuzou..?_


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please reread this chapter! its actually chapter 9 this time!

“Look at me,” a feral growl played an unusually deep note in Suzy’s chest. Soft, tare eyes narrowed their gaze to jagged, murderous points, so sharp they could cut glass into snowflakes. Shinohara stood totally still, staring at nothing and everything, his focus softened with shock. 

“Look at me!” she growled again. Her whole body seemed to quake with tidal waves of sudden fury. “Tell me you don’t fucking recognize me, Shinohara-san.” 

He could hardly believe it, “Juuzou..?” 

Nashiro and Kurona felt the silence that swelled and thickened in the air like smoke, they felt it in their bones. They’ve been there before, on that side of Juuzou’s anger. And with a quick exchange of glances, they swiftly ducked behind the counter, hiding themselves away to survive the coming confrontation. But they had been forgotten. A rediscovered Juuzou Suzuya had a different victim in his crosshairs. 

“Juuzou..? Oh my god, Juuzou I--”

The wind was struck from Shinohara’s lungs, a dainty ballet slipper had drove its heel straight into his diaphragm, bringing him down like an easily fooled animal. Shinohara heaved dry gasps as he attempted to catch his breath. A hand clawed at his belly, seeming to try and hold himself together. Nashiro whimpered at how much he coughed and sputtered, fearing for his fragile human form. But Juuzou made his descent, unperturbed by the broad hand that pleaded for a few seconds of mercy. 

“That’s not my name anymore.”

With a vaguely angry expression, having faded to eerie indifference, Juuzou gave the compartimental button on his prosthetic a tap. With a quiet clicking sound, the little storage boxes Shinohara had seldom seen unfurled bloomed like a daisy. Thin fingers reached in, retrieving a small silver knife, and with searing eye contact, Juuzou advanced toward a debilitated Shinohara who remained on his knees. 

Shinohara’s eyes widened at the sight of the knife. He remembered that Juuzou was more than capable of killing him, and though he seemed normal enough, he probably wouldn’t feel any remorse. Shinohara wheezed Juuzou’s name, watching his reflection in that knife become clearer and clearer until the greenish-yellow fluorescent light was shadowed by a shivering Juuzou, beside himself and wielding a knife. 

“No!” he glowered, “that’s not my name anymore.”

“But--”

That same heel shoved Shinohara backward onto his back, digging down into the middle of his chest. 

With a murderous look in his eyes that contrasted the serenity in his expression, Juuzou brandished the knife closer and closer to Shinohara’s throat. The only sounds that filled the empty corners of the shop were heavy pants, Nashiro’s quieted weepings, and the buzz of the overhead lights. 

But it seemed the nearer he drew the more ragged his breathing became. Shinohara watched the calmness on Juuzou’s face contort into uneasiness, then to thorough upset. By the time they were nose to nose, the knife pressing menacingly against Shinohara’s skin, Juuzou was close to distraction. 

Shinohara wasn’t so far behind. He stared up at Juuzou, looking into his eyes like they would be the last thing he ever saw before he died at the hands of this boy. How could he be so stupid? When he looked closely, he could see the little divot scars that punctured his skin to sew in his stitches. His wide eyes, his pale skin, it was all the same. All that differed was the length and color of his hair-- which had grown at an extraordinary rate-- how he dressed, and his _missing leg!_ All this time, he was right there, keeping Shinohara cheerful and occupied and not too sad. He’d watched over him from afar, yet right under his nose. 

Juuzou had gone from shaking to vibrating, halfheartedly pressing the edge of the knife into Shinohara’s skin. A thin, shallow ribbon of blood seeped out, but the cut wasn’t nearly deep enough. But Juuzou could barely sit still, and for some reason, he couldn’t force himself to finish the job. 

Staring right through him with a vague expression, Juuzou let out a shaky breath. “I feel bad inside, Shinohara.” 

Abruptly standing straight up, keeping his heel buried in Shinohara’s chest, Juuzou dropped the dirtied knife, reaching into his prosthetic for a new one. Retrieving the clean knife, Juuzou tossed it into the air, catching it and swiftly swiping the palm of his other hand. A paper-thin perfectly precise line of blood marred his perfectly white skin. Nashiro gasped, watching as he squeezed out drops of blood onto the floor, watching them fall with fierce disgust. Just the scent of Juuzou’s blood made both Nashiro and Kurona’s kakugan turn black. 

“Juuzou, what…” Shinohara tried to stop him, his heart aching at the sight of Juuzou taking a knife to himself out of upset and anger. But Juuzou cut him off with another spiteful slash at his hand. 

“Something inside me feels funny! I hate it!” he shouted, watching his blood ooze out, collecting in a puddle on the floor. But no stinging pain ever registered. With a frustrated grunt, Juuzou cast away the knife, hurling it into the wall where it buried itself to the hilt right between Kurona and Nashiro’s heads. He turned away, retreating to the back of the store and out of Shinohara’s sightlines. 

All eyes followed as Juuzou disappeared. The sharp sound of the knife ripping open deep gouges in Juuzou’s flesh was unsettling to say the least. Shinohara’s gaze drifted over to the counter where Kurona had poked her head up to see what was happening. Shinohara could see her trembling; her kakugan glowed with unnatural, ravenous fervor. But she stayed in her place, even if it did mean digging her nails into the countertop. Shinohara shoved off the floor, lifting himself to a standing position in pursuit of Juuzou. Kurona shook her head, warily protesting, knowing full well that it wasn’t safe. But Shinohara couldn’t let him suffer alone. Not after all this. 

Cautiously stepping into the back corner of the shop, Shinohara found Juuzou sitting against a refrigerator door, oozing blood from the palms of both of his hands. Just as he had before, he trembled in the place of tears. He stared blankly at the floor, mindlessly slicing open his skin in attempt to flush out whatever intense and inarticulable feelings he experienced. Shinohara was allowed to bend down, even get fairly close to him before Juuzou showed any signs of protest. 

“Tell me where it hurts,” Shinohara instructed, kneeling down beside him. Juuzou’s quaking increased to an alarming intensity. Shinohara’s worry deepened the lines on his face as he tried to calm Juuzou without setting him off. All he wanted to do was touch him, hold him, tell him it was going to be alright, but he knew Juuzou well enough to know that if he wasn’t smart, he would lose his life. 

“Everywhere!” Juuzou sobbed dryly, “In my chest and my head and my eyes and throat and--” He cut himself off with a pitiful wail, sounding childlike and afraid. “Mama said it wouldn’t hurt! She took the hurting away! Why did she put them back?”

“Shhh,” Shinohara tried to hush him back to coherency, or at least back to full consciousness. 

“Bad Dolly,” Juuzou growled, spitefully tearing a gash into his wrist. Shinohara gasped, and without thinking, snatched the knife out of Juuzou’s hand and threw it into a different aisle. 

“Girls, get some gauze quick!” he shouted back to the counter, holding Juuzou back as small hands went for his prosthetic leg for another knife. With one arm keeping Juuzou at bay, the other twisted the false leg free, dislocating the entire thing for the second time today and kicking it out of Juuzou’s reach.

Immediately, guilt churned up Shinohara’s stomach. Juuzou’s self-directed anger faded away as quickly as it came. Of course, he was unaffected by the pain in his hands and wrists, but just looking at what was left of his leg struck him speechless. Shinohara tried to apologize, explain why he has to take it off and consequently force Juuzou into looking his deformity in the face, but Juuzou beat him too it. 

“I tried to cut them out,” he informed quietly, “but it didn’t work.”

“Cut what out… Did you do this to yourself?!”

“Akira was telling me that if you have too much blood, you have too many feelings. Sanguine... she said.”

“Juuzou...” Shinohara shook his head in defeated disbelief. Violent images of Juuzou angrily hacking off his own leg in attempt to not feel so sick with sadness flashed through his mind’s eye like film. His eyes grew damp. “Juuzou, what have you done?” 

“They were bad!” he shrieked, “They were making you mad at me! I thought if I cut them out I would feel them leave but…”

Like the first rain after one hundred years of drought, tears began to fall from Juuzou’s eyes. Slowly, then all at once. 

“I felt nothing,” he sobbed, “I’m weird. I’m all fucked up, Shinohara.”

“No.” Shinohara pulled Juuzou into his lap, wrapping his arms up tight around Juuzou’s small, narrow frame. Blood and tears stained his shirt as Juuzou wept freely. It was so hard for him to force tears. The pressure had built up behind his eyes so much and for so long that he shuddered at the energy leaving his body. 

“I tried to stay away,” Juuzou tearfully explained, “I tried to so hard because I don’t want you to be sad. I know I hurt your feelings and you want me to go, but I thought since you told me you only like girls you might forgive me if I changed, so I did. But... I hate it! My hair is itchy and this dress is too tight and it makes me feel so small and little. I just want to be big like you, but I can’t, I’m so sorry Shinohara. And I want Kurona and Nashiro to fight with me again like we used to, and I want your super weird suspenders, and I want to stay in the shop with you forever. I miss you and my stitches and--”

“Juuzou,” Shinohara interrupted. Juuzou gasped for breath between powerful sobs. “You never have to change yourself for anyone. Including me. Never make yourself uncomfortable to make someone else happy. You’re so smart, so resilient, and so god damn easy to fall in love with. Juuzou I’ve missed you since the second you left me. I closed the shop and looked for you every single day. Even when I was forced to work again, I’ve thought about you every day. You’re easily the most important person in the world to me, Juuzou. And I’ll love you no matter what you chose to be.” Shinohara’s lips turned into a gentle smile, honesty feeling so good as it left him. He said all the things he felt like he’d been waiting to say. 

Juuzou’s wailing slowed to exhausted, faint sniffles, then disappeared completely. But he clawed at Shinohara’s shoulders as if terrified that he would disappear. Nashiro and Kurona approached with caution, silently passing gauze to Shinohara before darting back behind the counter. Gingerly wrapping Juuzou’s arms up, at least until he could see to him properly, Shinohara sealed off self inflicted wounds. But he was barely able to finish before Juuzou was jumping out of his lap to stand before him. 

“In that case,” Juuzou muttered, tugging the chest area of his black dress with both of his hands, determined to get it off his body as fast as he could. A few threads from the top began to rip apart as he pulled the throat of the dress up over his head, throwing it down in an uncaring heap on the floor. Underneath, he looked just the same as he did before in a pair of polkadotted boxers Shinohara had thought he’d lost and a dryer-shrunken wife-beater. 

“Let’s fucking burn this,” he snarled at the dress, despising its very existence, never mind the fact that he’d just been wearing it. He bent to pick it up again, but before he could continue tearing it apart, a dark head of hair emerged from behind the counter. 

“No! I want it!” Kurona shrieked, running to Juuzou’s side with her sister following close behind. Having been so focused on Shinohara, Juuzou had completely forgotten about the twins. Now one of them had wiggled between his arms, hugging him tight. In turn, it prevented him from ruining the dress, but sudden warmth and compassion from Kurona struck him speechless. 

“Aw, I want one too,” whined Nashiro sadly, crossing her arms to pout. “Where did you even _get_ your dresses?” she asked in frustration and awe. Every day she saw him disguised as Suzy Jusic, he’d looked absolutely darling. Each dress was well-made, the fabrics chosen were of great quality, and they even seemed to be rather _expensive._

“I made them,” Juuzou shrugged it off, “I’ll make white one’s for you too, Nashiro.” An excited smile broke through the sour face Nashiro made. Kurona released Juuzou from their hug, but kept him close, slinging an arm around his shoulders. 

“We kept your secret,” she said with a small smile. 

“God, it was getting so hard!” Nashiro concurred, busy holding up the dress to her shoulders and imagining what it would look like in her color. 

“What, was I the only one who didn’t know?” Shinohara questioned, a little disappointed in himself. The girls, in all their teenage diplomacy, shot him an oblivious look, mocking his naivety. 

“You’re pretty thick, Shinohara,” Juuzou observed, barely hiding a small giggle.

Shinohara took in every aspect and feature of his lost friend and he couldn't help but smile. The boy he had been missing this whole time was now right in front of him; bleeding, missing a leg, but smiling and laughing like everything would be alright. Shinohara felt a deep need to hold him tight, tell him all he had been thinking about, and that he hoped Juuzou would stay for good, but despite how much he wanted to, and how much Juuzou would likely enjoy it, it wasn't the right place or time. For now, he had to share with Nashiro and Kurona, who had been waiting to express their happiness to Juuzou himself instead of forcing their fondness for Suzy.

“We missed you, Juuzou.”

“Will you stay and work in the shop with us?”

“You could come with us to school too!”

“I don’t live close by anymore,” Juuzou admitted, his shoulders sagging just a bit. In the back of his mind, Shinohara hoped he’d been staying with that girl, Akira, and not sleeping in the train station. 

“You can stay with me,” Shinohara offered with a smile, and he watched those curious burgundy eyes grow wide as saucers. 

“Is that… okay?”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way--” Suddenly, Shinohara was knocked back by the force of an extremely elated Juuzou smashing right into him, throwing his arms around him in a tight, excited embrace. And there it was, the time and place. Shinohara returned his hug, looking down at the top of his head and noticing the white of his hair growing in under the black. Juuzou was safe and sound and in mostly one piece. Shinohara couldn’t have been happier.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy leap day 2016! be sure to go back and read chapter nine!

Perched up on the counter, Juuzou crossed his legs, staring down at a drawing of a giraffe and twisting a strand of grey hair between his fingers. After scrubbing for what seemed like hours, but was actually only ten minutes, most of the black dye had bled free, leaving only a light grey stain over his naturally white hair. And since he’d dumped his red pins in a fit of despair, he’d opted for tying it up to rest in a sloppy bun atop his head, though this didn’t stop a good portion of his bangs from falling into his eyes. 

He tilted his head out of the light, observing his giraffe intently, looking for what was missing from it. Through zig-zags of red and blue, orange and pink, yellow and green, his giraffe had taken shape gradually, and Juuzou decided he was happy with it. 

“And what are _you_ up to?” a low voice questioned quietly. Shinohara set a large box on the counter with a groan, folding his arms over it and glancing over to a smiling Juuzou. “Ahh,” he chuckled, scanning the drawing in Juuzou’s lap, “So this is what you’ve been doing instead of helping,” he said sarcastically. Juuzou smiled apologetically, giggling quietly when Shinohara gave him a few forgiving pats on the head. “Your hair is almost back to normal,” he observed, “though it’s still pretty long.”

“I know,” Juuzou whined, wrinkling his nose at how long his hair is, “I still have to cut it. And it’s still grey.” His smile slipped from his face as he messed with his hair, stewing over how… _wrong_ it still felt, though he was much closer to looking how he wanted to look now that the black was mostly gone. 

“But Juuzou,” Kurona chimed in, quickly joined by her sister. 

“Aren’t you like--”

“Twenty one?” they asked, switching off between the two of them as they always did. 

“A little old for drawing with crayons, don’t you think?” Kurona added, much to the chagrin of her much more mannerly sister. Nashiro made a face and Juuzou stuck his tongue out. Showed what he thought of her judgements, crayons are a respectable media just as any other. But Shinohara was quick to mediate, intervening with a change of subject. 

“Actually, he’s nineteen,” he interjected. Juuzou’s brows furrowed in suspicious confusion. Even he wasn’t entirely sure how old he was, he wasn’t confident that Shinohara did either. But he’d forgotten that he hand Shinohara had inadvertently crossed paths. “I found your file in the CCG database,” Shinohara explained with a shrug of his shoulders. “You’re birthday is actually tomorrow, Juuzou. Did you know? So you’ll be twenty tomorrow.” Nashiro cooed her excitement. She loved parties, especially birthday parties. Even Kurona seemed a little excited with this new information. 

“I thought I had a summer birthday?” Juuzou questioned, looking out the window to see everyone in coats. He still wasn’t sure. 

“It is summer in Japan,” Shinohara informed. He squeezed Juuzou’s shoulder, loving the smile that brightened his face. 

“Is it warm there?” Juuzou asked curiously.

“I’d assume so.”

“Can we live there instead?” He insistently patted Shinohara square in the chest. 

“Maybe some day...” Shinohara trailed off, dragging an uncomfortable silence with him. “How about this, can you run over to the coffeeshoppe and get us some coffee?” Shinohara handed Juuzou a fiery red note with a grouchy, bespectacled man on it. Juuzou made a childish, disgusted face. 

“But coffee is so bitter!”

“Get something for yourself then.”

“Oh yay! Okay!” Juuzou swiped the money and darted out the door, leaving Shinohara and the twins to finish putting the shop back together alone.

Skipping merrily across the road, Juuzou made his way to the coffeeshoppe he’d been frequenting quite a lot as of late. With a brand new, crisp twenty dollar bill in his pocket, he marched right into the shop like he was the richest man in the world, chin high and eyes glowing with anticipation. 

With the children at school and their parents at work, the shop was quiet and empty. A boy with dark hair dozed at the counter, jolting to wakefulness at the sound of the bells that announced the arrival of a customer. He watched as Juuzou gleefully skipped right up to the counter. What a strange person to have wandered into his shop. The boy took it all in, eyes glancing from wispy grey hair, red stitches sewn into paper white skin, to a left leg-- though fully functional and rather convincing-- was definitely false. 

And Juuzou noticed a few things about the boy behind the counter as well. He looked to be about the same age as Juuzou was, had an average height and build, but he wore an eyepatch over his left eye which sparked Juuzou’s interest. 

“Hello,” the boy greeted with a note of shyness to his voice. But he donned a kind smile as Juuzou approached the counter. “What would you like?” 

“My friend’s want coffee,” Juuzou started. His eyes were riveted to the pastry display, taking in all his options. There were doughnuts, cookies, cupcakes, turnovers, anything he could imagine-- even some things he couldn’t pronounce. He forgot to finish his sentence, forgot the boy behind the counter as he absentmindedly pulled his hair free of the tie, letting it fall to his shoulders. He slowly tied it back up into a tighter bun that he’d hoped would contain his bangs. 

The boy behind the counter took a deep breath, just barely silenced by better judgement. 

“But you’d like something different,” he finished, his voice slowing down and evening out, “something sweet?” 

“How did you know?” Juuzou chirped, a wide grin lighting up his face. The worker soon had a cup of black coffee and two lattes ready to go in travel cups. All the while, he watched Juuzou from the corner of his vision as he gazed into the display in search of the perfect treat. Something about Juuzou proved unbelievably fascinating, to the point where the boy could not look away. 

“Try this,” he suggested, choosing a perfect looking eclair from the display. Juuzou’s eyes went wide as he accepted it. Juuzou didn’t even notice their hands touch for a short moment, but the boy froze over, taking a sharper breath in through his nose. With no shame at all, Juuzou took half the eclair into his mouth, biting into it so hard that the cream filling oozed out and made a mess of his face. 

“Oh, so good!” he exclaimed with a full mouth. And the boy had to smile, flashing pearly teeth within the kindest, most heartwarming smile Juuzou had ever seen. Just thinking about it made him giggle like a thousand little bells chiming all at once. Then he realized where he was, gasping as he remembered the twenty dollar bill Shinohara had given him to pay for the coffee. He dug into his pocket to retrieve it, but the shopboy only raised a hand and shook his head. 

“It’s on the house,” he said, urging Juuzou to keep his money. But how could he do that when this boy was being so nice to him? He had to show his thanks! With his mouth still full of chocolate and cream, Juuzou pulled a deep pout, looking around for a solution to his problem. He noticed a tip jar to his right and stuffed the money right to the bottom. 

“Just for you, okay?” Juuzou said, finally swallowing the first half of his eclair and quickly going for the second. The shopboy smiled again, radiating a calm content that had Juuzou smiling back. “I’m Juuzou,” he introduced merrily, “What’s your name?”

“Ken,” the boy replied, “but most people call me by my--”

“Kaneki! You left the damn door unlocked, you idiot!” a girl shouted from the back of the shop. Kaneki’s smile sank into an embarrassed frown. 

“Last name.” Juuzou grumped at the loss of Kaneki’s peaceful smile, taking a grouchy bite from his eclair which was all gone now. “Want another for the road?” Kaneki offered, looking over his shoulder and hoping the girl who’d just come in didn’t hear as he gave away all their eclairs. 

“Would I?!” Juuzou exclaimed, forgetting his displeasure at the idea of another treat. Kaneki wrapped another eclair up for Juuzou to take back with him, and now Juuzou was all set to leave. He was about to leave when he noticed something off about this new person. Kaneki didn’t seem to be breathing, and if he did it was in short, quick bursts when Juuzou was a ways away. 

“It was nice to meet you, Kaneki,” Juuzou said politely. But without much warning, he leaned over the counter, putting himself nose to nose with the shopboy. As Juuzou expected, he stopped breathing. But other than that, he didn’t seem to react. In fact, his lips wore a contented little smile just watching Juuzou move. “You’re pretty,” Juuzou sighed, looking into a single, thoughtful eye. Then he turned to leave without much explanation. “Bye bye!” he chimed as he left the shop. 

“Bye,” Kaneki called after him, “Juuzou.”

**Author's Note:**

> follow my tumblr? angstgods.tumblr.com


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